


Your own

by souvenirsfromapastlife



Series: Accountability (no Heist AU) [2]
Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys Kissing, But it's not soul shattering, Childhood Trauma, Domestic Fluff, Finn POV, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pseudo redemption end, Road Trips, also we get LYLA FINN interactions, because the world is in national crisis and i need some smiling sean in my life right now, boys kissing... often, the middle of this fic is pretty depressing but there are plenty of fun moments and a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:48:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25639033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/souvenirsfromapastlife/pseuds/souvenirsfromapastlife
Summary: Normally when you find your soulmate, you don't ask them to turn themselves into the cops. Then again, Finn was anything but normal.Part 2 of my AU where the heist never happened, but can be read as a standalone story. Takes place from Finn's POV. Title fromYour Ownby SALES.
Relationships: Lyla Park & Finn, Sean Diaz & Finn, Sean Diaz/Finn
Series: Accountability (no Heist AU) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857640
Comments: 12
Kudos: 58





	1. El Mañana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic takes place from Finn's POV. Chapter title comes from _El Mañana_ by the Gorillaz.

Finn knew Sean wasn’t gonna take to this kindly, but he didn’t think it would be this bad.

“We’re finally together and safe, and you want me to turn myself in?!” Sean’s voice was so loud it could wake up even Cass.

“Listen to me, sweetheart. We have the rest ‘a our lives to be together. I promise.” Finn meant it, too. No more lies, especially to himself. He intended to be with Sean until he got rid of him or one of them died. “But think about it. The longer you ‘n Daniel’ve been on the run, the more trouble you’ve gotten in.”

Sean opened his (kissable) mouth to protest, but Finn quieted him with a look. “You know I know none of it’s your fault. I mean, you’re fuckin’ lookin’ at the cause of the trouble right here - sh, sh, let me finish - but you need to trust me. This shit with Daniel’s - his _powers_ ? From what you’ve told me, no jury can tie you or him to that cop’s death. I’ve seen plenty a’ people locked up. I know how it goes, and you can still have a _life_ , Sean.”

Finn paused, letting his words sink in to his boyfriend’s thick-ass skull. When his face passed from emotional to thoughtful, he continued. “If you turn yourself in now, the next months, maybe a year max, will be bad. But it won’t be _permanent_. I’ve lived through it. You can, too - with no record, even. You can move past this, sweetie.”

He knew he was being manipulative. He had this mode he went into, where he got all charismatic and shit. Finn was pretty sure it was passed down by his dad, who was a master at getting naive people to do what he wanted. His brothers never picked up the art as well as he did - he had to, on account of being the youngest and most vulnerable. Influencing people came in handy in juvie, kept him safe and unbothered. But the selfish way he did it to Sean, a month ago? Finn promised himself he’d never pull that shit again. So here he was, trying to use his powers for good. 

“Is it bad, Finn?” He hated how damn loveable Sean looked, all shook up. 

“Is what bad, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know. Juvie. Everything I’ve done. Me. Fuck.”

Finn grabbed Sean’s hand, rubbed it. “I’m not gonna lie to you, baby. From the outside, people are gonna think you’ve done some bad shit. But take it from me - the longer you keep doin’ bad shit, the more it accumulates, and it’ll catch up to ya. You can’t run forever, Sean. But you’re still a teenager. You’ve got your grandparents and Daniel and me to protect you. I promised you that I wasn’t gonna let you down. It’s not too late to ride this out, and come out the other end _okay_.”

Sean didn’t respond, just laid down, placing his head in Finn’s lap. As he stroked his hair, Finn was completely dumbfounded how one person could be so fucking perfect. He just looked at him processing and tried not to ruin the mood with a smile. It was a while before he spoke again.

“I’ve been on the run for months now.” 

“Sure, sweetheart, but the jury’ll understand why a kid would wanna run -”

“No, I know. I mean, what difference will one more week make?” Sean had the whisper of a devilish smile on his lips. Well - that was fast.

“You sound so sneaky - fuck, I’m startin’ to rub off on you, aren’ I?”

Sean leaned up and kissed him, a delicious sensation that left him craving more. “I’d prefer if you rubbed on me a little more.” His sultry voice had Finn instantly hard. It might’ve been embarrassing if it weren’t so fucking hot.

Finn chuckled and leapt into motion, flipping them around so that Sean was beneath him on the ground, while Finn straddled his waist. He held Sean’s wrists above his head, gazing into his eyes. “Care to tell me what you had in mind?”

His lover seemed breathless below him. The gaze between them was electric, air hot and heavy. “I was thinking… road trip?”

“Road trip,” Finn agreed, before biting at his throat. They had precious few moments before Sean had to rejoin Daniel in his tent, and Finn didn’t want to spend them in the past or the future. He wanted to be in the present, right here, right now, with the love of his life.

\---

“How does someone grow up stealing cars and still drive like shit?” Sean scoffed, not bothering to pull his punches. He was pouty on the road to Arizona, but Finn found it adorable. Sean really didn’t realize how much he had in common with his bro.

He tried to act indignant at Sean’s cruel comments, but he just ended up laughing - and maybe swerving the car. “Alright sweetheart, you may or may not have a point. Maybe we can let Daniel drive?”

“Aw, yes! When me and Noah played Grand Theft Auto, I was always the driver!” Daniel’s enthusiastic voice chorused from the backseat. Unlike Sean, he didn’t have as much hurt towards their mother. As a result he was _much_ more excited about a bros’ road trip.

“Oh god, we’re gonna die here.” Sean leaned his head against the headboard and groaned.

He was in the car with his boyfriend and whose little brother they were guarding, on the run from the cops going to find their lost mother, plus the brother had fucking superpowers. Yet, he felt more normal than ever. Finn really was a freak.

“Aw, don’t frown, sweetie. Here, pick a CD.” He lifted a compartment and revealed a collection of albums; gifts from Cass for their adventure. Sean picked one and skipped a few songs. 

Finn recognized it immediately - a song from Demon Days, by the Gorillaz. “Your taste is excellent, sweetie. Although… you _always_ taste excellent.” He gave Sean a lewd wink. He blushed and hit his arm, even though the joke had flown over Daniel’s head. “Not joking. Gorillaz are great - I like this album, but _Plastic Beach_ practically made 13 year old Finn the stoner he is today.”

He couldn’t help but sing along. “ _You got to press it on you_ … _that’s what you do baby, hold it down, dare…”_

They cruised along the California roads, Finn and Daniel singing together, Sean smiling and trying to hide it.

\---

A gas station, quiet enough that the chances the boys would be recognized was small. Sean was inside doing God-knows-what - probably sketching the graffiti dicks on the bathroom wall. Finn stretched his legs by going inside and buying Daniel a soda and a bag of chips. The way his face lit up when he got his gifts - God, Finn loved taking care of kids.

“So…” Daniel hesitated - big question incoming. “You and Sean seem really happy after you guys talked the other night…” He trailed off.

Finn crouched down, leveling with him. “And you’re wonderin’ what happened, ‘cause me and him had a fight before that.” Daniel nodded. “Well, it’s hard to explain, but I was makin’ myself real unhappy, because I’ve had some bad stuff happen to me before and that made me real hesitant to be honest with your brother.”

“So… you lied to him?”

“It’s more like… I lied to myself.” Fuck, this was hard to explain. He was still processing it himself. “Y’see, I love your brother. But in the past, people I loved had hurt me, an’ I got scared that I’d hurt him like that. I convinced myself that it was better for me to hide than actually tryin’ to be better than ‘em. But your brother was there for me, and real patient while I worked all that out. So now I’m takin’ care of him - and you too, lil bro.”

Daniel nodded. It was a lot, and Finn wasn’t the most eloquent with these sorts of things, but he tried to be as honest as he could with the kid. “So does that mean you and Sean are… um.”

Finn smiled. “I don’ know exactly what we are. That kind of stuff takes time to figure out, but we both care for each other a lot. And we both care for _you_. No matter what happens, we’re both your big bros.” He clapped the kid on his shoulder, and got a grin in return. 

“Oh man. Chris is gonna be soooooo jealous!” 

“Chris? Tell me about Chris.”

“He’s my friend from Beaver Creek, and his alter ego is Captain Spirit! I’m Super Wolf, and…” Finn nodded along, making notes in his head. He could get used to this.

\---

It was comforting to know the stars shone as brightly in Arizona as they did in Humboldt County. The night air tickled Finn’s bare chest, but Sean and the sleeping bag kept him cozy. Daniel lay inside the car on the back seat, having been put to bed an hour or so ago.

“You up, baby?” Sean hummed a yes against Finn’s arm. Finn held him closer and enjoyed the ambience of their remote camping spot.

“Be honest.” He shuffled a bit against him. “Is it weird that every day I really looked forward to just sitting next to you on the train? Just, like, being close to you. I felt like a pervert, ha…”

God, this boy left him no choice. Finn kissed his forehead and reached blindly under the sleeping bag, groping at Sean’s boxers. As he had hoped, he was fucking hard as a rock. “Honey, if that makes me a pervert, I don’t wanna know what that makes me.” He laughed. “You have any idea how many times you leaned on me and I had to stand up to hide my boner? Fuck, I’m still embarrassed about it.”

“D-don’t be.” Sean grinded against him, letting out a small moan. “The fact that we’re together, it… fuck. I love you, Finn.”

“I love you too.” Finn savored the moment, remembering when he had only fantasized about this. “I told Daniel that, earlier today.”

“You told him… that you love me?” Sean’s eyes were wide; not angry. Scared.

“Mhm. Didn’ try to define the relationship or anything like that. Just clarified what was goin’ on, made sure he knew that we both care ‘bout him. He took it well.”

He nodded, relieved. “That’s good. Thanks, for doing that.” He nuzzled Finn’s chest. “Do you want to? Define the relationship?”

“Whatever pace you want, baby. You want to be boyfriends, that’s what we’ll be. Friends with benefits, extra-best-friends - you want me gone, say the word and you’ll never see me again. Anythin’ - I promised.” _Say you want to get married, and I’ll get a ring,_ he was tempted to add. Him and his obsessions.

“I think we should just be friends.” _Ouch_. Still, he was young, and Finn was moving fast, fast. Too fast, Hannah had warned him. He didn’t hold it against him at all - just meant he was smart.

“You got it.” As long as they could have moments like these, he’d get by with whatever -

“I was fucking _joking_ , dude. I’d love for you to be my boyfriend, Finn.”

Feeling like an idiot never felt so sweet.

\---

The sound of kids screaming with delight in the park was an amusing contrast with Sean’s frown. It was day 3 of waiting for their mother to check the PO box, and his boyfriend was starting to convince himself it was a bad idea. They sat together on a bench in the shade, one eye on Daniel in the park and another on the coming and going of old people in the post office.

“This was a terrible idea. I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.” Finn opened his mouth to protest, but Sean interrupted: “I know, Daniel really needs this since Claire and Stephen would never allow it, and I might not get to see her for a long time once I turn myself in, and this is the last thing we get to do together for a while. I’m just… stressed, and scared.” Sean was working on expressing his emotions more clearly, but lately those thoughts were preceded by a wall of complaints.

“I can’t imagine what you must be feelin’ right now. I know the wait was longer ‘n any of us expected.” He didn’t try to remind Sean this was for the best; he knew. He just needed to handle all the negativity bubbling to the surface.

“It’s just… Karen’s already fucked me up bad. Now I’m reaching out, and if she fucks me over again, it’s just gonna feel a thousand times worse. Plus, if I let her hurt Daniel like she did to me…”

“Remember the letter, Sean? She knows you’re in danger and she reached out to you, even though it could get her in trouble. That’s love, right there. When people reach out like that, you gotta let ‘em in, or sooner or later there’s nothin’ left.”

He was silent, just taking Finn’s hand. He could tell Sean knew exactly what he was talking about.

“My dad… that’s a real piece of shit right there. I ain’t trying to guilt you, or say you don’t got the right to feel apprehensive. You should feel mad at her. But just because those emotions exist don’t mean you can’t forgive her. You might never stop bein’ angry. But other stuff can exist too.” He kissed Sean’s cheek, letting him be deep in thought for a moment.

“Now, tell me again what she might look like…”

\---

“Come on in. It’s past time we talked.” Karen’s eyes lingered on Finn, hesitant.

He got it. “This sounds like a private conversation - I’ll just take a moment to explore. That alright, sweetheart?” Sean and Karen looked at him with eerily similar nods of gratitude.

Sean’s mom even had that same whisper-of-a-smile Sean had when he was grateful but embarrassed. “You should introduce yourself to the people here, Finn. I think they’d like you.” He smiled at that, kissed Sean goodbye and patted Daniel on the back. He didn’t know who Karen was before, but his hunch was that they’d be safe with whoever she was now. It was on Sean to see that for himself, now.

Away was very possibly the coolest place Finn had ever seen. Off the grid, totally private, time to think, do art, and live as a collective - he could not wait to tell Penny about this. Each metal sculpture he passed left him stunned and thoughtful in a way his classes in school could never hope to match. The red rocks in the horizon were comforting - they reminded him of the redwoods, he realized. Damn. In another life, he and Sean and Daniel moved here in their own RV and never left. 

A distant, shouted greeting broke Finn from his reverie. Seeing the source, a pair of men sitting at a table, he jogged over. He was eager to see if Karen’s assertion was true - he hadn’t met new people in a hell of a long time.

“Hey there,” said an older, Asian man, dressed stylish with epic beige beads around his neck and a pair of glasses. “We were hoping to get the scoop on just who Karen brought to town.” Sitting there with an arm around his shoulders was a similarly-aged white dude with a cool beard, dressed more relaxed than his friend.

He piped up with a lazy, welcoming smile. “I’m Arthur, and this is my partner, Stanley. Wanna take a seat?” Woah. Two gay men! Finn actually hadn’t really known any dudes who liked dudes that were that much older than him. He took the seat with gusto.

“I’m Finn! Nice t’ meet you both. My boyfriend and his little brother came to meet their mom - I’m just their ride.”

Stanley’s eyes widened. “Sean and Daniel are _here_?”

“Holy shit. Karen must be ecstatic. She was so worried.”

That had Finn’s curiosity piqued. “She was?”

Arthur nodded. “Oh, yeah. We don’t know everything, but even though she’s made some tough choices, she was heartbroken at the news. Even reached out to her relatives - she hated doing that. Checked the PO box every day, at first. Listen, Finn - Karen’s complicated. We all are, in Away.”

“ _Especially_ David,” Stanley chimed in. He had no idea who that was, but he laughed anyway.

“Stanley!” Arthur chided, but he looked at his husband with affection all the same. The familiarity of it made Finn feel warm. “Anyways, what’s your story? Did I hear correctly that you’re _dating_ Karen’s son?”

“Yup.” Finn nodded with pride. “I got _real_ lucky. I’ve been homeless for a while - “ (he didn’t consider it being homeless, not really, but it was easiest to explain it that way) “- and was living in a camp when we found Sean. We worked together for a while until he had t’ leave, and I begged him to let me stay. Now, here we are!”

“Homeless, huh...” Arthur looked a bit sad.

“We’ve known our share of youths figuring themselves out. I’ve been there, myself. You know -” Stanley gestured to the flag. Finn didn’t know what it meant, but he figured it was something to do with sexuality.

“Oh! Well, I uh - I didn’t know I was into guys too until I was in juvie a lil while, heh. But I feel for ya there.”

“Free spirit, huh? You’ll fit in just fine around here.” That made him smile - Arthur radiated affection. It had been a while since he had been around any older men other than Big Joe and Merrill. Actual warmth coming from one felt… strangely nice.

“Can I get you anything, Finn? Do you like iced tea?”

“Iced tea sounds awesome, Stanley.”

Finn whiled his time away with the couple, but even after half an hour, his boyfriend hadn’t emerged from the trailer. He trusted the three of them to work things out healthily, but it didn’t stop him from being anxious. He knew how important this was to Sean.

“So, why the tattoos, Finn?”

The question broke his trance. “Ah, I should really probably have a better answer for this, but I jus’ like having some art on my body. Infusing life with beauty an’ all that shit, am I right?”

The couple shared a conspiratorial glance. Stanley smirked. “That's it. Finn, you _need_ to visit Joan. She’s been missing someone like you for a while, I think.”

“Her trailer’s just that way. Follow the terrifying sculptures.”

With a thank you and two friendly handshakes, Finn left his newly-made friends behind, warm at the interaction but still unable to shake off the pit of ice in his stomach.

\---

If Finn wasn’t tragically in love with a boy in the neighboring trailer, his next pick would be Joan. Lady was a badass - reminded him of Cassidy in 50 years.

She waved him over the moment she saw him - he was starting to suspect Away had very few visitors. However, she didn’t seem surprised he was here - he supposed Joan knew more of Karen’s business than Arthur and Stan. He greeted her with a smile and a handshake. For some reason, he felt compelled to use his Montana manners with her.

“Nice to meet you, ma’am. My name’s Finn.”

Joan let out a hearty laugh - it gave him a positive impression of her right away. “Oh, please. The only person that’s called me ma’am in the last ten years has been David. I’m Joan. Wanna walk with me?” 

Finn agreed, and Joan gave him a walking tour of Away - or more accurately, a walking tour of the sculptures she had erected in Away. It wasn’t egotistical, though. At each stop, she would simply look at Finn, and ask: “what are you thinking about?” It was exactly his idea of a good time.

A writhing metal snake wrapped around a lighthouse: “It’s like when ya want direction - no, control - so badly ya turn ugly and startin hurtin’ others.”

A piece with a spider-like base under a pillar with an eye on top: “It’s the overreach of authority, like surveillance ‘n all that.”

A horse head, leaning forward, with a shark fin on its back and a sturdy metal base: “It’s the spirit of adventure, put t’ rest. The way you always wanna go out and explore, but at some point gotta retire and lay down some roots.”

Each observation, Joan would nod, or compliment him. He loved it - felt like he was at the best art school ever. When he had seen most of the community, they circled back to Joan’s trailer and sat together, looking out at the desert.

“Thank you for indulging me while I showed you around. I liked hearing your perspective, Finn! You’re a unique thinker - I appreciate that.”

Finn was embarrassed - he wasn’t used to old people praising him, or giving him much attention at all. He blushed. “Well, I, uh - you should probably talk to Sean. He’s the real artistic one. I just look at art.”

“Don’t undersell yourself! I’ve never heard takes like yours - unconventional perspectives are rare and very, very special. I am looking forward to meeting Sean, though.” She paused, craning her neck at Karen’s trailer - the very thing Finn had been trying to avoid thinking about for almost an hour now.

“You care ‘bout her, huh? Karen.”

“Oh, yes. Karen and I… let me just say, when you find a kindred spirit, you gotta hold on tight. That’s why you’re here with Sean and Daniel, eh? I heard about the situation… you’re a good person to support them through it. Karen was so worried that they were all alone.”

Finn nodded. “Sean is… special t’ me. I wanna be with him and Daniel through it all. You’re right, about holdin’ on. We haven’t been together ‘specially long, but I already know I won’t be able to be with him during some of the hardest parts, and… fuck.”

“Like right now, huh? I feel the exact same way.” She sighed. “Karen is a good person, but she can be very hard to understand. She loves Sean and Daniel, but… not everyone can raise kids. To be honest, I’m scared out of my fucking mind for her. She’s too considerate to admit it, but being able to reconnect means the world to her. I wish I could be there for her, but I can’t right now. So I focused on my art - you were a nice distraction.”

“Real shit? You’re one smart lady, Joan. Thanks.”

“What’s yours? _Your_ art.”

What did Finn do when he was upset? _Run. Steal cars. Pickpocket._ “I don’t know. Light up a joint ‘n read, I guess.” The answer felt hollow. “But lately I been tryin’ to put all my nervous energy towards takin’ care of others.”

“I get it. Sometimes I need a distraction so I don’t lose it, myself. Yours sound healthy enough.” She smiled, non-judgemental. “But I’ve found that distractions are a temporary solution; when I create, that is the act of healing. That sculpture over there? Made it when my one of my closest friends left.”

“Ah. Were ya sad?”

“I was fucking pissed! And sad. But, now that sculpture exists and I don’t feel that way anymore. At least, not in the same way.”

He chewed on that idea. He couldn’t imagine Joan so furious she lost her shit… then again, he couldn’t imagine leaving Sean, and he was gonna have to. Before he could figure out a response -

“Finn?” That voice - Sean had finished. Finn jumped up on instinct, then flushed when he realized he was being rude to a very awesome lady.

“Oh - I better -” 

“I understand completely.” Joan smiled and put a hand on his. “I’ll stay here, for her. You go get Sean. Let’s talk soon, okay? This was nice.”

“Very much agreed. Until we meet again, Joan.” He waved and took off towards his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started out as an epilogue to _And I've never seen you smiling so big_ , but as I outlined and wrote it, I quickly realized that Sean and Finn weren't done yet. I was jumping at the chance to dive deeper into Finn - he has a lot of development in Part 1, but it's all subtle. He doesn't give much away. As such, a sequel series exploring the result of these changed events from Finn's POV just sprang into being.
> 
> Writing from Finn's perspective is awesome. He's a lot more expressive, knowledgeable, and picks up on more than Sean does. He loves Sean a shit-ton, which warms my heart, and can observe the Sean/Daniel dynamic from the outside and mediate when possible, making their relationship go a lot smoother than it did in E3. Plus, Finn has less of an ego than Sean - he is much more open to mentoring and life lessons from others, because he's simply in the position to be a lot less defensive than Sean was. As such, his interactions with Karen and Joan are going to be a lot of fun.
> 
> The title of this chapter is El Mañana; Spanish for "the future" or "tomorrow". It's a melancholic song about nostalgia coming to an end and the future being on the horizon, which seemed apt as the boys left the camp and drove into the future. I also see this Part being a future of sorts - we all saw how Episode 3 of LiS2 went down, but this isn't Episode 4 - this is something totally new, hence "future". I hope you enjoy it - three more chapters are soon to come.


	2. Your Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and its title were inspired by _Your Own_ by SALES.

He was going to miss this the most. Daniel, safely asleep in the RV. Sean and him, stumbling out of a car that smelled of sex. Sharing a sleeping bag, looking up at the stars. 

He gave his boyfriend a soft kiss. “You would not believe how worried I was for ya. Kinda pathetic, ha...”

Sean had given him a quick rundown: “she said being a mom wasn’t for her. And what happened, happened. I tried to listen. Daniel likes her. Can the three of us have dinner? I’m hungry.” And that was that.

Finn knew better than to pressure him into saying anything more; he didn’t need to know the specifics yet, and Sean was always one that needed to process things thoroughly. He did note that sex seemed to be part of Sean’s thinking process - probably Finn’s favorite step. And here they were now, out in the desert as if they were the only people in the universe.

“She… it’s so weird, Finn. I thought she’d be so different from what I remember. I expected this monster that I was too innocent to see before. But she never was. I don’t know. It’s like, I look back at my memories of her, and now I know that she was playing a part, almost, and…” He sighed, frustrated. “This is so fucking weird.”

“Sounds like what you heard recontextualized the shit you remember.” Finn’s parole officer had said something similar to him, once upon a time.

“Exactly - like… all these years I’ve been inventing my own context and now that I know the truth, it just doesn’t fit.”

“Fit with what?”

“Fuck. Who she is. Who I want her to be. How I see the world.” Sean rolled over, held Finn’s arm tightly. “It’s like, all this time, the one thing she gave me was that I could be angry at her. She hurt me. But now it’s so much more complicated. I don’t even want to be angry at her anymore but I still am, and if it’s not at her then who? Claire and Stephen? No way. It’s not their fault, or Dad’s fault either. But if it’s nobody’s fault and I’m still angry, what do I even do?”

Finn kissed his forehead. “I hear you, sweetheart. Fuck.”

Sean groaned. “And now I’m complaining about it. Thanks for listening to me. What did you do while I was gone?”

“Hey, I’m pretty sure my new friend Joan would call that ‘healthy self-expression’. I get it if ya don’t wanna hear this, baby, but your mom’s friends are pretty cool.”

“Really?”

“Totally. This place is fucking epic, Sean. It’s what me and Hannah wanted the camp to be. Free, authentic. Those fuckin’ sculptures? God-damn.”

“I’m glad you like it. Do you mind if we stay for a bit?”

“As long as it’s we, I’m in, sweetheart.” Sean hummed against his chest. Finn played with his hair - it was their nightly routine, at this point. He closed his eyes, and enjoyed the bliss until sleep took him.

\---

His eyes snapped open. Still nighttime, but much later on. Sean was thrashing beside him, saying something unintelligible. Nightmares.

Fuck, it hurt to see him like this. Just another reminder that their road trip had a purpose, and a destination. He wrapped an arm around him and held him close. “Shhh… shhh… it’s alright.” This wasn’t his first time - a lot of the travellers he had met suffered from the same. It was uncomfortable - a reminder of all the people he had loved that hadn’t stayed. Maybe they were just preparing him for this.

Sean slowly stopped moving about, settling into Finn’s arms before shuddering awake.

“Fuck. Finn?”

“I’m right here, baby.”

“God. I’m so sorry I woke you up. It was…”

“Nightmare. I know, sweetie. It’s okay - I’m right here with ya.”

They cuddled closer together. It was clear Sean wasn’t getting back to sleep soon.

“Daniel got caught, and they discovered his powers. And my mom didn’t even care. It was bad, Finn.”

“Sounds pretty bad, but you’re here, now. I ain’t lettin’ no one touch Daniel. Plus, you’re about to make him safer, right?”

“Right.” Sean was a bad liar, especially when the thought of turning himself in made him so obviously upset. Finn felt a rush of guilt - this was Sean’s family he was involving himself in, and Finn was what - the boyfriend? He suddenly felt very wrong.

“Hey, uh, Sean..?”

Sean leaned up so he faced him, despite the darkness. “I recognize that voice. What’s on your mind, Finn?”

“You know, it’s okay if you need t’ ask me to leave, alright?” Sean was quiet. “This is so much for you, and me bein’ here just means you needin’ t’ explain to people what I am to you, and y’know, come out. Things have gotta be stressful enough. And this is a family affair, I understand if you need it to be just you and Daniel and your mom for a little while.”

“You think I could handle all this with that mama’s boy? Finn, I appreciate that, but I need you here with me, dude.” Sean’s hand intertwined with his. “To be honest, before that night at the campfire, I hadn’t even accepted that I liked guys. When you’re into girls too, it’s just too easy to ignore. You were the reason I stopped - ignoring it. Coming out isn’t hard at all, because I get to tell people you’re my boyfriend.” He smiled and yawned.

This fucking sap. Finn could cry.

“I remember that night, too. You shoulda seen me in my tent, losin’ my goddamn mind ‘cause I knew I had a chance. Fuckin’ hopeless. I still am.”

“I’m so fucking glad you’re here with me, dude. I can’t imagine how I’m gonna…” Sean trailed off. Jail was still too hard for them to mention. “Trust me, I don’t want you gone.”

“Jus’ makin’ sure you knew. Plus, you know I’m into consent.”

Finn felt Sean’s face heat up against him. “Very enthusiastic consent,” he muttered. Finn laughed and gave him a big kiss, and they settled back into sleep pretty easily.

He had no fucking idea what he was gonna do when Sean left.

\---

Even though the past few years of his life were spent as a vagrant, Finn was a true creature of routine.

6:30am: Wake up, divide attention between the sunrise and Sean’s contented sleeping face.

7:00am: Raid the car for cereal. Read (lately it was _Don Quijote_ ) and eat. 

8:30am: Chill with Joan, light up if one of them was in the mood. Sit in silence, tell stories, talk philosophy. Sometimes Daniel would join them, but more often than not it was their sacred time. Every time, she’d ask him how he was feeling (usually alright, sometimes pretty bad) and what he was doing about it (the answer changed - sometimes he’d find alone time, or talk to Arthur, or not do anything at all). It was a fascinating exercise - Joan saw emotions as something that passed by you, not things that happened in you. She was real into figuring out what you were feeling, and what to do about it. It was interesting stuff, and he’d be lying if he said he never used the techniques she talked about. Despite the deep talks, they never really interviewed each other for personal history, and Finn didn’t feel like they needed to. Sometimes you understood a person even if you didn’t know exactly how many siblings they had or where they were born. 

10:00am: Wake up Sean. Sneak as many kisses as he could before he got dressed. 

10:30am: Talk to Sean, Karen, and Daniel while they ate breakfast. Mostly he drank a cup of tea and listened (jasmine was really growing on him).

11:30am: Do whatever the fuck he wanted. He’d go into town with Arthur and Stanley, or explore the area with Sean, or play with Daniel, or do chores for whoever needed help, or draft (and scrap) a letter to Hannah.

6:30pm: Have dinner with whoever in Away was around that night. It reminded him a whole lot of life at the camp, except everyone was sober. They’d stay as long as they liked, and then retreat to their own trailers when they got tired to watch the sunset and finish up the day.

8:30pm: Sneak away with Sean, to wherever. They’d make out, laugh about something that happened at dinner, commiserate about the coming months, all under the open night sky.

10:00pm: Finn would find a chance to shower, and clean up, though he felt bad for Karen sharing a single RV bathroom with three young boys. He always tried to leave things tidier than he found them.

11:00pm: He and Sean would cuddle, or more if the mood was right and they had privacy. Sleep came easily, despite Sean’s frequent nightmares. Finn was always there for him if he needed - for now.

Rinse and repeat. All in all, a pretty sweet gig compared to some of Finn’s previous routines. It was bittersweet, though. For the first time in his life, he knew life was about to get worse, not better. Finn was a person who could cope with anything if it was necessary to get something better. While life was always tough, he had felt like he was biding his time waiting for things to get good - he’d get out of juvie soon, he’d find someone and settle down with the love of his life, he’d earn enough money to buy a house and live it up with his family; imaginary futures that got him through the day.

For the first time, Finn had a _real_ future. And the start of it sucked ass. Life without Sean. It was incomprehensible, like dividing by zero - he just couldn’t conceptualize it. He had no idea when Sean would come back to him, what he’d look or feel like when he did. He had no idea what he’d do until then, how he’d live without the one person that made him want to. So instead of thinking about it, he just lived in his routine. Being with his love. And it was pretty damn okay.

\---

The red rocks looked like they went on forever. They were above a barren, colorful, canyon, in the middle of a wasteland. It all seemed so devoid of life - except for Daniel, bouncing around, running around and lifting and tossing rocks, and once, a scorpion. The way he displayed such mind-bending feats so casually made Finn feel like he was tripping, even though he had smoked a ton less since he left camp.

“Daniel! Quit it, _enano_. Be careful.” Sean’s constant refrain - Finn loved him, but as a baby brother himself he understood why Daniel would respond poorly.

“You’re no fun! Jeez.” The kid ran ahead, apparently already familiar with where they were to set up camp.

Sean and Karen exchanged looks - Karen’s was cool, but Sean’s was chilly.

“I’ll go with him,” Sean muttered, and took off after him. And then there were two.

In the couple of days Finn had been in Away, he had gotten a perspective on Karen from multiple angles. Joan, Stanley and Arthur, Sean, all had surprisingly different takes on her. It was a little confusing, but also exciting. Finn liked getting to know people, _dig deep_ \- it’s why he asked people what their worst memory was, even when he wasn’t in the mood to share that information himself. He was eager to get to know Karen for himself.. He wanted to understand what kind of person produced (and left) someone like Sean.

Her eyes glittered disorientingly - the color was different, but the gaze was the same as Sean’s. “I guess you’re pretty used to that by now, huh?”

“Oh, yeah. They can really get at each other sometimes. Although, it was worse before - before an accident last week. I think they started understandin’ each other better after that.”

“Thank you.” Her steady voice knocked the air out of his lungs, sometimes. She was so… _stable_. People like that were frankly pretty hard to come by, at least where he was from. He didn’t know what to say.

In the awkward silence, he decided to reach out with something they had in common, and something he’d been aching to talk about. “So… superpowers, huh?” The reality of it all was still sinking in. Didn’t change anything - but it was still a hell of a pill to swallow.

She let out a soft laugh. “Right? It’s all a lot to handle. First my boys are on the run, then they show up at my PO box instead of… you know, a letter. And now, Daniel.” Despite not really smiling, she looked fond. “Those kids really are special. Daniel, and Sean.”

“Oh, I do not need convincin’ of that.” Finn grinned, and Karen laughed again. “It takes a certain typa’ superpower to get your kid brother from Seattle to here. Sean is absolutely incredible.”

“I know. It might be hard to believe, but I’ve always known he was one of a kind.”

 _Oh_? “You… you did?”

“It’s something that’s impossible to explain, why I left. It’s who I am, but I don’t mean that as an excuse, just as a fact.”

“Try me. I’m not easily explained, either, y’know.” That seemed to work - her tone opened up a bit.

“I guess it would help to know how you ended up working for a pot farm in California. Why there, and not… society?”

“Got fucked over by some of the people I loved most. Puttin’ down roots burned me real bad, once upon a time, so I decided I’d keep movin’ for a while.”

“I get you. You’re still on your journey though, aren’t you?” Finn nodded. “I got so lured in by other people’s ideas of being happy I didn’t realize until too late. Far too late.” 

Her eyes flashed. “I think you and I want very different things in life, but I can tell you this. What you’re doing right now? Fighting against all of society, it feels like, in order to protect what matters to you? That’s what I did. And I’m at peace with my decisions.”

 _Damn._ He didn’t know how that made him feel. Validated, maybe. But more intimidated. Karen was a woman that would destroy him if she needed to. Sean was the same too, he realized.

“When you chase what you want, there’s always gonna be some friction with others. Make your decisions, fuck up, live with the consequences.” She stopped, just ahead of the camp, where Sean and Daniel seemed to be getting along again. “This might sound awful, Finn. But I don’t regret anything. I can’t.”

Finn understood - maybe more than he meant to. Maybe it was time for a new phase of his life to begin. The thought made his head spin, but he kept walking. The time for hard decisions was coming, but not yet.

\---

The fire crackled with life, casting shadows into the canyon a mile long. The sweltering day had long faded, leaving behind cold crimson rocks that glowed darkly against the firelight. Sean and Finn sat side by side, snacking on recently-charred hot dogs. They listened as Daniel animatedly told Karen stories of their time on the run.

“One time, one time Finn was showing me how to throw knives! And he didn’t know about my powers yet - oh, sorry Finn.”

“All good, lil buddy.”

“So I pretended to throw them and used my power to land bullseyes. It was so much fun! And then Sean came, being a downer, and tried to throw one, but I used my power to redirect it so Finn just thought he was bad.”

“Very funny, _enano_.” Sean tried to hide a smile.

“For th’ record, I was glad you had shit aim. Meant I got to teach ya - lean in close and guide you.” Sean blushed. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Finn spied Daniel looking grossed out, but Karen just looked at them appreciatively.

“A pot farm, throwing knives. You sure have had some cool adventures, huh?”

“Oh yeah,” Daniel said proudly. “All to get to Puerto Lobos. But I always wanted to come here, to see you!”

“Is that so? Well, I haven’t asked yet, but what’s the plan? You’re free to stay a while, but what about after?”

Daniel got ready to respond in his enthusiasm, but nothing came out. He blinked, then looked at his brother expectantly. Finn felt Sean tense up.

He put a hand on his knee, squeezed. “Me ‘n Sean have been talkin’, and I think he’s made a decision. Wanna tell ‘em, Sean?” Fuck. Poor kid was in such a good mood.

Sean looked shaken up. “W-well. We either run to Puerto Lobos and try to start a life where we have nothing, or… I can turn myself in, do whatever time, and get a clean slate.”

His words were followed by eerie, freezing silence. Finn tried his best not to squirm, still rubbing his boyfriend’s knee.

“... What?” Daniel looked like he’d seen a ghost, like his world was falling out from under him.

“I’m sorry, _enano_. This isn’t fair to you… none of this has been. You need your life back.”

“And what about you?! You’re gonna go to prison!”

Finn hated intervening in what seemed like a family matter, but Daniel’s words had seemed to hit Sean like a slap in the face. “Juvie. Not prison. Juvenile detention. He’ll be with other kids. I’ve been.”

Karen, who had gone pale up until now, put a hand on Daniel’s back. “He’ll be okay, Daniel. You both will.”

Daniel had no response to that. He looked down, still as stone.

“I’m proud of you, Sean. You’re much more mature than any sixteen-year-old should have to be.”

“Oh, thanks. I wonder whose fault that is.” The words stung Finn and Daniel more than Karen, who just maintained that steady face of hers.

“C’mon, sweetheart - “

“No, fuck this.” Sean ripped away from Finn, stood up. “I’m not gonna sit here and listen to your pity, Karen. This is your fucking fault.” He stomped away, disappearing up the path.

“I’m sorry - “

“Don’t be, Finn. He’s had to be so selfless, for so long. Let him be angry. I can’t imagine.” That woman amazed him. “Go talk to him, okay? He’s vulnerable right now. I’ll…” She looked down at Daniel, who still wasn’t moving. Finn got it. This was his department.

He found Sean a little farther up the trail, pacing. Finn just took a seat on a nearby boulder, looked up at the moon.

“I’m not sorry for what I said, Finn.” His voice sounded tight - Sean was crying angry tears.

“I don’t think you should be, sweetheart. I don’t think Karen expects you to be, either.”

He stopped pacing, looked at him desperately. “But I want to be sorry. I don’t want to be this fucking mad. I want Karen to be proud of me and to tell me how glad she is that I’m her son and shit. But I look at her and I see Dad, dead, and I think about how lost we’ve been, and it all boils over.”

Finn understood now. “Baby… have you _told_ Karen that you’re mad at her?”

“I’ve… dropped hints. But she’s doing so much for us, and I don’t want to upset Daniel.”

Finn laughed softly, cupped Sean’s face. “It’s okay t’ tell her the truth. Feel angry, Sean. Tell her everything. The feelin’ might not leave ya, but it will stop controllin’ ya. I promise.”

He looked so beautiful, looking at him with those heartbroken eyes. “Okay.” He hugged him tight, kissed his face.

“I believe in you, Sean. Wait here.”

\---

As Finn descended the trail again, he felt a tremor in the air, almost like an earthquake. He realized that he hadn’t sent the pebbles by his feet tumbling downhill - they were being drawn to something. Finn stopped walking and started jogging.

Daniel no longer had that shocked look in his eyes - he was furious. It felt like the canyon itself trembled from his might - rocks of various sizes floated around him, and the smallest pieces formed a vortex around him. Karen was a few feet away from him, trying to talk. When she noticed him, the note of uncertainty in her face threw Finn. How could he handle this when even _she_ was stumped?

“Daniel, bud, you okay?”

Karen looked grim. “He’s not responding.”

“D’you want Sean?”

“NO!” Rubble flew - luckily missing Finn and Karen, instead tumbling to the canyon floor hundreds of feet below.

He took a breath, made an executive decision. “Go.”

“What?!”

Finn placed a hand on her shoulder - he’d never touched her before, but he needed her trust. “I got this. Go talk to Sean. I think he’s ready.”

“But -”

“No buts, ma’am. Me n’ Daniel are gonna talk - I’m his bro, after all.”

Another one of those grateful looks that reminded him of Sean, and Karen was gone. He turned to Daniel, who was looking over the canyon, fists clenched.

“I’m here,” he shouted over the wind. “You don’t need to talk if ya don’t want to. But I’m your bro - I meant that when I said it before. I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

“You’re lying! Everyone leaves.” Rocks flew again, much closer to Finn this time.

He swallowed the urge to plead, negotiate, or flee, like his juvie instincts told him. That was old Finn. This is new Finn, who… accepted emotions and shit. Risked it all for his loved ones.

“Daniel… I know a lot of people have left you. I can only imagine how much that fuckin’ hurts, dude. I’ve had a lotta people leave me too. My dad, my brothers, friends and girlfriends… it sucks.”

The kid didn’t move, but he seemed to be listening, at least a tiny bit.

“Sean turnin’ himself in… that sucks too. But he’s comin’ back. I swear to God, Daniel. I know in the past when people have gone, they don’t come back, like your dad. But you’re here now, with your mom! You were apart, but you’re together again. Give it time, and you’ll see tons of people again. Your grandparents, Chris, _and_ Sean.” The maelstrom seemed to ease. “It’s bad now, but you have people to support you until the hardest parts are over. I’m here for you, Daniel. Forever.”

The boy seemed to crumple. He was still surrounded by dust and sharp pebbles, but Finn stepped forward anyways. That was his little brother and he was going to give him the best damn hug he’d ever had.

“I’m here, kid.” The storm fell away, and Daniel just cried and cried. The jean jacket he was wearing was now pretty soaked in Diaz tears. He decided he’d keep it forever - a reminder that he was part of this family now.

\---

The final day started like any other. Sean, Finn, and Daniel had collectively decided on a date and here it was, a reaper coming to collect. His Old Finn instincts said run, delay, do anything it took to avoid the unimaginable. New Finn simply woke up at 6:30am and watched the sunrise light up his boyfriend’s face.

Joan hadn’t forgotten the date, either - she gave Finn an extra-affectionate rub on the back when he arrived. She even had a bowl packed and waiting for him. God _damn_ was Finn gonna miss this woman. He thanked her and wasted no time.

“A little going away present. That’s the finest strain I have! It’s pretty shit, but that’s Arizona for you, huh?”

Finn tried not to let his laugh spill her crappy weed all over the sand. “Any divine wisdom on how I should spend my last day?”

“Actually, I was hoping you’d spend some of it doing me a favor.” Joan’s eyes sparkled - she was too excited about this for it to be anything bad.

“Joan, you already know I’ll do anythin’ for ya. Can’t be worse than movin’ your scrap metal halfway across the town.”

“No, this is much more important. I’d like for you to design a tattoo for me.”

He coughed out smoke like a teen trying out their first cigarette.

“Woah! I’m - I’m glad ya trust me like that, but I’ve been tellin’ you I ain’t an artist. Why not ask Sean?”

“I’d love for Sean to draw it for me - but I want the idea to come from you, Finn. I told you already, you have a unique eye. Hearing you talk inspires me, makes me feel young. I want to capture that feeling. Plus, you need proof that you can be creative, not just destructive.”

He wanted to protest, but her eyes were just so… earnest. “O-okay. If that’s what you want, you’re gettin’ the best damn tattoo of your life.” The smile those words earned was worth it.

\---

At breakfast, Daniel seemed to buzz more than usual, whereas Sean was a lot more subdued (for good reason). It wasn’t that he was sad, just… removed. If he didn’t know exactly where he was coming from, it would have terrified Finn. The real Sean was full of life. Like Daniel.

“If you’ll allow me… Mom helped me write my first poem! I want to share it with you, Finn!” His eyes were so bright it made him ache. “Sean, you can listen too,” he added snarkily.

“Ha, ha.”

Daniel procured a crumpled paper from his pocket and began to read.

“Family. It’s not something you can buy, or something you’re born with. It’s not up to the government or to what people think. Family is something that you work for and something that works for you!” He grinned, obviously proud of his wordplay. “Family is in a stuffy dining room or in a magnificent treehouse. Family is on the train or in the car. Family is a dog or a wolf. It is everything.”

Sean rolled his eyes, but joined Finn in clapping extra loud.

“Damn kid, that was gorgeous! Brought a tear to my eye n’ all.”

“Really?! You inspired the line about the train, you know.” Oh, christ. Maybe he really was gonna cry.

“For real? C’mere.” Finn gave him an extra big bro hug. _Family_. It really did mean a lot. “What did you think, Sean?”

Sean caught the hint - brothering time. “That was awesome, _. I could never write and perform something like that. I bet Cassidy would think that was really cool, too.” Good job, Sean. When he remembered to heap a little love on Daniel, he did it like a pro._

__

“Thanks, guys!” Daniel ran out of the room, glowing, shouting something about showing everyone else. 

__

“That was really cool. Thanks for doing that for him… Mom.”

__

Karen looked almost bashful. “Yeah, well. He’s been out of school for so long, might as well teach him something.”

__

They slipped into a comfortable silence, and Finn finished his tea.

__

“Hey, sweetie, mind if we talk? I got news.”

__

“Sure.” He turned to Karen. “Thanks for breakfast, see you later.” She nodded.

__

Finn hated how dead Sean’s eyes looked in the shade of the trailer. He grabbed his hand. “How you holdin’ up?”

__

“I’m alright.” That was Sean-talk for ‘absolutely not alright, but not ready to talk about it.’ It made something deep inside him twist up. But it was their last day.

__

He forced a smile. “Joan has a secret mission for us, partner.”

__

Sean’s eyes widened - any change from that detached look was an improvement. “What is it… partner?”

__

“I need your help designing a tattoo for her. Fuckin’ crazy, right? We’ve been here what, 12 days?”

__

“You just don’t realize the effect you have on people, Finn.”

__

“I could say the same about you, sweetheart.” He gave him a kiss. He never got tired of those lips, the way when he leaned back to look at him after, Sean would always have the same satisfied look on his face. “You gotta run me through your, uh… artistic process. I have no fuckin’ clue where to start.”

__

“Dude, I just sketch stuff I see. I’m not like, a designer or anything.”

__

“Sean…” Finn gave his best baby brother eyes.

__

“God, you’re unbearable sometimes. Okay, a tattoo… well, what’s the point of the tat? It could look cool, represent a specific memory, or maybe like… an idea.”

__

“Hm… Joan’s a lot deeper than her looks, so it should probably not just be a wicked skull or whatever, ha. And she and I never went on any adventures t’gether, not like me n’ you did. So maybe not a specific memory, more like… a representation of the time we spent with each other.”

__

“Dude, you know I love the way you talk, but you’re gonna have to be more specific than that.”

__

“I know what I mean! It should be about us. What we… left each other with, ‘n shit.”

__

“Okay. What does Joan represent to you? Like a theme.”

__

“Growth,” he responded without hesitation. “Like… character, but also actual shit. Like those sculptures - she _makes_ shit, from nothing.”

__

Sean nodded. “Alright. What’s a symbol of growth to you?”

__

“Weed,” he chuckled. “And, uh… fuck. Flowers, I guess. Trees? Cactus. Or maybe one of her sculptures? Maybe ‘s too literal.” Fuck, this was hard. Felt like he was in school again - he shuddered at the thought. “But I gotta leave; both of us have to move on. I want that represented, too.”

__

“Okay, what’s a symbol of moving o-”

__

“Trains! Train tracks with somethin’ growin’ out of ‘em. A tree would be too big, and a flower would be too typical, y’know? What about a baby tree? What’s it called again?”

__

Sean laughed - a sound that warmed him through. “A sapling?”

__

Finn stroked his face. “Exactly, baby. I love you, you smart fuck.”

__

Sean blushed and grabbed his sketchbook, ducking the comment to draw - he never changed, did he? Finn just enjoyed the view of him in his artist mode for a few moments until he was shown the sketch: a track running diagonally towards the bottom right of the page, with a baby… sapling growing through the tracks.

__

“Do you like it?”

__

“You’re a fuckin’ master, Sean. It’s beautiful. Let’s go show her. She’ll be so fucking excited.”

__

__

\---

__

__

“It’s like… you have to keep going, but something got planted behind you. Proof this all mattered.” He looked uncomfortable describing his art, but Finn knew talent when he saw it. It was incredible.

__

“Even though our paths keep goin’ in different ways, the life we had here will always exist, right?”

__

Sean grinned at him. “Exactly.”

__

Joan looked between the two of them and the sketch, eyes glistening.

__

“Well, that was much faster than I expected, boys.”

__

“What can I say? You were right, Joan. Bein’ creative… it feels real nice. ‘Specially with this guy.” He clapped Sean’s back. “I gotta thank you so much, for spendin’ so much time with me, and um… bein’ so helpful. I’ve never really had someone I could talk about… emotions ‘n shit with.”

__

“Tattoo or no tattoo, I couldn’t forget you if I tried, Finn - you too, Sean! You boys have brought so much energy here - it was nice for us old folk. Come back, okay? You might find a new piece with your face on it.” 

__

Sean was quiet - he understood why. He wasn’t coming back for a while. 

__

“I’d like that a lot, Joan. And… I was wonderin’ if I could get your permission to, um… get that tattoo too.” His boyfriend looked at him in surprise. “Sorry if that’s too much - I just, uh… it means a lot to me.”

__

Joan pulled him into a fierce hug - her voice sounded thick. “I would love that. We can compare sometime soon, okay?” She wiped her eyes. “And you, Sean. Even if you don’t come back for a little while, don’t let that creative spirit die, okay? I don’t want some tattoo for an old woman to be your final work.”

__

He looked up. “I promise.”

__

“Good. And tell your little brother to give me a hug goodbye as well, okay? Sweet thing. You two stay safe out there. I’ll be thinking of you.”

__

“You too, Joan. Take it easy.”

__

It was fucking ridiculous that that wasn’t his hardest goodbye of the day.

__

__

\---

__

__

Sunset. Their very own Last Supper had just finished - Finn, Sean, and Daniel had gotten a toast from the citizens of Away, who had put aside their plans to spend one last meal with them before they left. It gave him a sharp pang of sadness - he wasn’t sure which was more upsetting, the drawn out goodbye they were doing now, or the abrupt escape they had made from the camp. Then again, he had been so full of hope, on his way out. He supposed he could return for a visit, after… tonight. Still, it had never occurred to him then that he was leaving a home that he could never truly be part of again. 

__

Finn held Sean’s hand under the table. In a dark parallel of breakfast that morning, there sat the Diaz family, looking sullen.

__

Karen’s voice had a grim note, but her voice was as steady as always. “Okay. Let’s talk future. Have you given any thought to how you were going to turn yourself in?”

__

Sean shrugged, trying to put on an air of nonchalance - whether it was for himself, or everyone else, he didn’t know. Selfless bastard. “I guess I was just gonna have Finn take Daniel and I to a police station.”

__

“That’s as good a solution as any. It’s safer, and the sooner you do it, the easier they’ll be on you.” Finn shuddered. This was so fucking wrong. “Now… it might not be immediate, but the police think Daniel’s completely innocent here, so he will be released, eventually. Daniel, where do you want to go?”

__

“Well… I wanna see you, and visit you… but I want to stay with grandma and grandpa, and go to school in Beaver Creek. I already have a friend there, and...” 

__

“That sounds great. I’d love for you to visit, or I can visit you, okay? You have my number, and I’ll… write my mom soon. I know she’d love to have you.” Daniel simply sniffled in response.

__

“What about you, Finn? What do you want to do?”

__

The question shouldn’t have surprised him, but it still made his head spin. Technically, he was free - he could do whatever he wanted. And what did he want?

__

“I want to be a part of this family. However possible.”

__

“You already are, dude!” Daniel’s eyes were irritated, but he knew it was just too much emotion for the poor kid. Karen simply held Finn’s free hand and nodded.

__

Sean’s voice by his side surprised him. “I want you to take the house.” Silence. _The fuck?_ “That’s legal, right? I can do that?”

__

Karen looked surprised, but not displeased. She looked between them, thinking. “Legally the house is yours, Sean. If you want to let Finn stay there and take care of it instead of selling it, that’s within your rights.”

__

“Woah,” Daniel said. “Finn being in our house would be so cool, I’d still be able to visit!”

__

“Then that’s what I want to do. I won’t need the money for a while, anyway.”

__

“Sweetheart, I - “

__

“Finn.” Sean’s eyes blazed. “You’re a member of this family, dude. It’s no Costa Rica, but I know you’ve always wanted to settle down somewhere eventually… You don’t have to, but don’t say no because you think you don’t deserve it or some shit.”

__

Don’t cry. Don’t freak out. Don’t run. Finn blinked back tears. “O-okay. Seattle? I can do that. I’ll get a job, pay as many bills as I can before you come home. I’ll visit Daniel, too. I can do this.” Sean’s hand squeezed him under the table, and he felt something in his chest twist.

__

Karen had a whisper of a smile on her lips. “I’ll help out where I can. And Sean, do you have anyone you need to talk to at home before…”

__

“Oh, shit - yeah.” He turned to Finn. “This isn’t really how I imagined it, but you should meet my best friend. She’s gonna love you. Mom, can I use that burner phone?”

__

__

\---

__

__

The sun had fully set, and Karen had said goodbye, given her contact information to Finn in case he needed anything. It was subtle, but it felt loving, and he appreciated it.

__

He had decided that this last brothers road trip ride would not be a funeral but rather a celebration of a damn good 13 days. As the remote police station got closer and closer, Finn simply blasted the music, singing: “She’s cold cold cold, coooold as ice! Doctor in the day and the dead o’ night…. Doctor can ya help me, cause something just ain’t riiiiight…..” Daniel didn’t sing along as loudly this time, but God bless that kid, he tried.

__

He felt Sean’s eyes on him, but for once, Finn couldn’t look at his boyfriend. All he could focus on was the road ahead, like he always did when times were tough. If he looked at Sean, he didn’t know if he wouldn’t just turn the car around and charge south.

__

The police station was a surprisingly dingy, gray building. Finn wished it were a castle or something, or at least had more activity - the only sign of life was the light flickering inside. Finn pulled into the parking lot and laid his head against the steering wheel. No one said anything, and the car lights timed out, leaving them in darkness.

__

Daniel’s voice came softly from the backseat. “Thanks, Finn.”

__

_Fuck. Fuck._ “Wasn’ too far of a drive from Away, haha… anybody coulda done it.”

__

“Dude, you know that wasn’t what he was talking about. Only you could have taken us this far.”

__

Finn was breaking down. “You’re wrong. You two are the strongest people I’ve ever fuckin’ met. You woulda made it to Antarctica if you wanted to. Or Puerto Lobos, if I hadn’t gotten in the way. It’s not too late to turn back, y’know. Leave me here, take the car, go to Mexico.”

__

“It’ll be okay. We’re going to have a life. No more running. And now, you get to… be there with us, dude. You -” Sean choked up. Finn felt like he was going to explode. “You changed my life, Finn.”

__

“Mine, too,” Daniel murmured.

__

Finn couldn’t breathe. He silently got out of the car, looked up at the stars. The moon was black.

__

They both followed him out, after a moment. The silence was deafening.

__

“I’m such a fuckin’ idiot. Always suggestin’ plans I’m too weak to follow up on.”

__

He waited for Sean to argue, but it was Daniel tugging on his hand.

__

“I’m not gonna see you for a little bit, Finn. Don’t spend our goodbye all sad, okay? That’s why we had our party in the car, right?”

__

_FUCK_. “You’re right, lil bro.” He could barely speak. “C’mere, gimme a bro hug. I love you, okay? I’ll see you real soon, and you can tell me about your new adventures with Captain Spirit.”

__

“Deal, bro.” After the hug, Daniel stepped back, giving him and Sean as much privacy as he could.

__

“Hey, partner…” With two words, Finn’s heart broke clean in half.

__

“We were s’posed to be partners, huh? I’m so sorry, Sean. I wanted to be there for you for the hard parts. I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”

__

Sean cupped his face - he’d never done that before. “You are being there for me, just in a different way. All of this is for us. A future together.”

__

“Yeah. A future.”

__

“I love you, Finn.”

__

“I love you too, Sean.”

__

They kissed, and a million observations, thoughts, feelings were exchanged. This was his fucking soulmate. If Sean needed him to be there for him from afar, that's what he'd do.

__

“I’ll get in contact with Lyla and your mom, alright? Second you can, you tell one of ‘em what’s goin’ on and I’ll do whatever I can to help out. Get shit set up with your grandparents’ lawyer. I love you so much.” Sean tore away.

__

“Bye, Finn.”

__

His boyfriend and his brother walked inside the police station and disappeared.

__

__

\---

__

__

Finn made it maybe half a mile before he pulled over and vomited. He climbed in the back seat of the car and laid there. He cried, great hiccuping sobs that threatened to tear his body apart. Old Finn cried out with all his might: “You ruined his life.” “You’re alone.” “You’ve got nowhere to go.”

__

But that wasn’t true. He had Sean, had their future together, and had somewhere to go, a house in Seattle near a girl named Lyla and a job that he’d figure out. Face still wet, he got back in the driver’s seat, turned on the music, and pulled back onto the road. For the first time in his life, Finn had a future. Alone and in the darkness, he drove towards it.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may be one of the most difficult things I've written a while. At 7000 words, it's almost the length of the entirety of Part 1 of this AU, which I think comes from having more characters, and more things to set up and resolve. But more than length, this chapter was very emotional, inspired by a lot of things in my life - especially the experience of having to stay away from some of my loved ones over the course of quarantine. Sean turning himself in is treated pretty dramatically here - although to those that got the Redemption end, it might seem like nothing, this is terrifying to the Sean with two eyes, who has never had his life threatened or has even come that close to getting caught. It's perhaps more terrifying to Finn, who felt like he was turning his life around thanks to Sean.
> 
> Finn's time in Away was very important for his personal growth. He's already promised himself he's going to change for Sean - no more lying, cheating, or running away, but this involves rejecting a part of himself - something he's good at. In the future, and what Joan was very instrumental in teaching him to do, he's going to have to embrace certain sides of himself that he's suppressed as a survival mechanism. As a result, the Finn at the end of the fic is going to look and be pretty different to the Finn of LiS2 Episode 3.
> 
> You probably noticed that a lot of what happens in this chapter echoes things that happened in Episode 5, but went very differently. This fic is intentionally not a retelling of LiS2, but an alternate timeline. I want to explore things that haven't happened, not the things that have. Hence, Sean and Karen reuniting is not the focus - things like Joan and Finn's relationship (both characters we got criminally little time with), Daniel's reaction to Sean turning himself in, and what daily life in Away was like were focused on here. This idea will basically dictate the rest of the fic, which is now completely off the rails from canon. Expect lots of interactions and insights that we never got, like our protagonist and a certain Best Freakin' Fighter...
> 
> Chapter 3 coming by the weekend. Stay tuned!


	3. What You Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and its title were inspired by _What You Know_ by Two Door Cinema Club.

Although Seattle was apparently famous for its coffee, Finn opted for a tea as he took a seat. He didn’t feel nearly as out-of-place as he expected to, looking like… well, looking like he did. Cashier didn’t even bat an eye. He took a seat and prepared to people-watch, but quickly realized  _ he _ was the people being watched after all.  _ Hello, feelings of alienation. We meet again, _ he thought to himself. He smiled through a sip of tongue-meltingly hot jasmine tea.

It was only a few moments before a Korean girl walked in with a chin-length bob and a cardigan. He was looking for a Lyla Park, so could it be..?

His suspicions were confirmed when she laid eyes on him and appeared stunned by the sight. “No way. No fucking way.  _ Finn _ ?” He opted for a subtle wave, but she approached him quickly and he was forced to stand and accept a tight hug. “Never in a million years did I think Sean would end up with someone as cool as this. Holy shit. I’m Lyla, obviously.”

Woah, this girl was a ball of energy. Were Finn at a different point in his life, he’d probably love her. For now, he figured there were worse people to get through a coffee with.

“Nice t’ meet you, too..?”

“Ha, I probably look crazy to you. To be fair, I kinda am, lately.” Now that she said it, Finn did notice pretty harsh eye bags on her face. She looked tired - almost as tired as he was. “It’s just… Sean’s been gone so long. I miss him so fucking much, you know? And Daniel’s still getting processed and their dad… well. So I’m really excited to meet you, dude. I want to hear everything.”

“I get the feelin’. I miss him too. Me and Sean met when he was a ways into his trip - like two or three months in, so I missed a lot… too much. He didn’t tell me everythin’ - talked about you though, don’ worry.” She had a relieved smile. “He said you’d always be Best Freakin’ Fighters. I remember that.”

God, talking about him hurt. Lyla seemed to share that feeling - she frowned, lost in memories.

“Can I ask you something, Finn? It’s been burning at me, ever since he left. How bad was it, really? Everything he went through, after he ran away. I need to know.”

“Lyla.” He reached out a hand. “ I don’t know how much is mine to say, but your support from afar meant the world t’ him. There was nothin’ more you coulda done for him then.

She shrunk away. “That’s not an answer. Don’t tell me you’re as secretive as him, that was always so annoying.” Girl was tough - she loved Sean fiercely, that was for certain.

“Heh. Got a point there. Listen - the truth is complicated. I know - ‘least, I hope - that the time him n’ I spent together was worth a lot. Life at the camp was hard work, and sure wasn’t fancy, but it was also paradise. It’s hard to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it. The way we lived… probably made no sense from the outside, but we loved each other. Had fun. Were free.”

He cringed, thinking back to the scattered info Sean had divulged. “Before he met us… was worse, I think. Sean, he did a lotta dumpster diving to keep him and Daniel fed. They had enough to eat, but just barely. And, once Sean got pretty drunk and told us that he got attacked by some old dude. Like, tied up in a back room and shit and Daniel had to save him. Said that was one of the worst things that happened to him on the road.”

“... Thanks, for telling me.” Lyla was quiet a moment. “What about how you two met? Please, tell me  _ that’s _ not a sad story.”

When they first met. Finn smiled without realizing. “It’s funny… with Sean, you get bits and pieces of him. Each time I got more, I fell in love again, harder n’ harder.”

Lyla blushed hard. “Oh my god. That’s - wow.”

He rubbed the tattoo on his left arm. “So, uh, I’m not sure about this from Sean’s perspective, but I was passin’ through a shitty lil town named Beaver Creek, where Sean’s grandparents live. My friend Cassidy had brought her guitar to a market to sing for cash, and I was goin’ to get her, excited out of my mind to get outta town. But when I get there, this boy in an orange jacket is listening to her play, which was weird as hell. Not because Cass is bad at singin’ or anything like that, but first of all, he was fuckin’ Latino in rural Oregon -” Lyla laughed - “and he was talkin’ to her like she was, y’know. A person. Homeless don’t often get that treatment.”

“What did you think of him?”

“Oh, man. I never actually told him this, I think. He was intimidating, in the market at least. Clean little city boy, talkin’ to my friend. At the time, I was jus’ like, ‘woah, here’s trouble in an adorable package. Better get outta here!’”

“Sean, intimidating. It’s hilarious, but I know exactly what you mean! It’s this aura about him, like he’s too cool for you, but he just doesn’t know it yet.”

“Exactly,” he chuckled. “I picked up on that and got totally freaked out, that first time. Thought about him for a couple days. Second time I met him, it was almost 2 months later, in some store in California. He and Daniel were talkin’ about what they could afford to buy, and when I saw him in his hoodie, and heard the way he spoke to his little bro… I was fucked. Helplessly in love at second sight. Kinda pathetic of me, but that’s who I am.”

Lyla nodded. “You’re cute, Finn. You know, he never brought it up, liking guys.”

He blushed. “He said it was a recent development. I know he woulda told ya otherwise.”

“Thanks, dude.” She gave him a once over. “So, what’s your story? Gotta be something interesting with all those tats you got.”

_ Oh _ . For some reason, he had assumed this was just like… a formality. He didn't expect, or particularly  _ want _ to actually get to know someone. He knew it was cold, but he just wanted to be left to rot in peace until his boyfriend got out of jail.

“Oh, you know, the usual. Didn’t like it at home, ran away, but didn’t come home. Nothing too surprising.”

“Oh, alright. How are you finding Seattle, then?”

This was getting painful. She just walked in here, and what, expected him to act like they were family or something? “It’s whatever. City life. Happens t’ the worst of us, am I right?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Finn, are you this cagey with everyone you’ve met, or just me?”

“Hey, don’t be like that.” He frowned. “I want t’ get along.”

“Dude, I know we both know Sean, and thanks for telling me about him, but I wanted to get to know you, too. I think we could be good friends. I’d like that.”

He laughed. “Much appreciated.”

The look on her face told him that was the wrong answer. “Do you even care?”

“O-of course I care. I’m doing everything I can for Sean and Daniel.”

“I know. I’d do the same. That’s why I’m confused at why you’re… kinda blowing me off.”

“Listen Lyla, I’m not sure who you came in expectin’ to meet, but this is who I am. I’m sorry if that’s a disappointment or whatever.”

“Come on. I didn’t expect you to be someone in particular, I just wanted you to be  _ someone. _ Some else that got what it felt like to love Sean, and to be away from him, and…” She sighed, frustrated. “Listen. We don’t have to be close or anything, so I’ll leave you alone. But first, can you tell me what happened? That day when they ran off?”

_ Shit. _ Sean had never told him, but after seeing Daniel’s reaction to Sean leaving when they were camping, Finn was pretty certain what had happened to the cop. But it wasn’t his to tell. He appreciated that Lyla wanted to get to know him and all, but he already had a purpose in life. A family - one he’d given up another family in order to protect. He just didn’t need anyone extra to have to worry about.

He pulled out his old ‘lying to parole officer’ facade. “Sean never mentioned that to me. I don’t know anythin’ about it. Sorry.”

“Fine.” She looked… hurt. “Listen, I’m here for you if you need help figuring out the house, or getting to know the area or anything like that. Sorry if -” She shook her head. “Forget it. Bye, Finn.”

Something about the way she gave up at the end there was familiarly bittersweet. He watched as she exited the cafe and emerged into the March sunlight. He took another sip of his tea. It was cold.

\---

9 months. He was going to be without Sean for 275 days, according to the bastard judge that sentenced him to juvie. Part of Finn was incredibly relieved - Sean turning himself in was his idea, and it relied on the premise that Sean couldn’t be tied to the cop’s death. If the judge hadn’t cared, had pursued harsher punishment, it would have been over. For both Sean and him.

On the other hand, even though Finn had known it was coming, he and his soulmate were separated. For months. Due to Sean’s “unique case” - the unexplained explosion being suspected to be terrorism - he could have visitation only once every two weeks. That meant he could see his boyfriend twice a month, only if he was willing to share with Sean’s grandparents, mother, friends, and, of course, Daniel, who had been sent to live with his grandparents in Oregon.

Finn had a part to play, for once in his life. His task was to take care of the house; Sean needed a home to return to (even if that home lacked a father) so he could wrap up his old life, move on. After all, Finn needed something to do, and Sean deserved to have one less thing taken away from him. Plus, that meant getting a job - one of his only specialties.

Luckily, he wasn’t the only one looking out for the Diaz brothers. True to her word, Lyla proved very helpful - if he needed something and didn’t know where it was, a text from her had the answer. Karen knew the house too, but not as recently - she promised to advise him with any repairs. She also did the massive favor of helping him with the bills, what would have been the biggest stress. “You need time to heal,” she’d told him.  _ Right. _

He slept in Sean’s bed - he had considered using the couch, but had ultimately decided against it after seeing his room. It was so _ alive  _ with him - it even smelled the same. There were scattered sketches all over the place, ones he couldn’t help but go through and memorize. When he had the time, which he often did, he’d just search the room and experience  _ Sean _ . When he was done, he’d gingerly put everything the way he found it, like it was an art exhibit he wanted to perserve.

He spent the very first weekend just exploring the house, looking around. Their home was so different from what he’d ever known, but it was so… Diaz. There was a jar labelled “Drug Money”, though it was empty. Either Sean took it before he left, or the cops had confiscated the contents under some bullshit suspicion. Fuck. Finn silently swore to fill it back up before Sean got back. He slept fitfully, waking up often and struggling to get back to sleep. Those few days seemed to last forever.

Finally on Monday, he marched into Diaz Auto Master and begged for a job, by Karen’s suggestion. The new owner, Lazaro, had worked under Esteban and was sympathetic to Finn’s cause, despite his suspicion at his appearance. Soon enough, he was fixing up cars 9-5. He had to admit there was an element of satisfaction in turning a skill of destruction his father had taught him into something that created, repaired. He made a note to mention that to Joan in his letters to her.

He quickly settled into a new routine. Wake up, eat, work, go home, do chores, smoke, sleep. More often than not, his sleep was interrupted by more nightmares, but he found if he thought of good memories long enough and maybe looked at Sean’s sketch of him, he could get back to sleep. Life was dull, but he was somewhat distracted. More importantly, Finn wasn’t hurting anyone, wasn’t fucking anything up, wasn’t becoming so invested in someone else that could hurt him so badly. That’s what he liked about routine - it was as if he were soaring above his body, waiting for Sean to come home. That was all he could do for now.

\---

April brought the only break in routine that Finn could appreciate - family. As Daniel had also been involved in the unexplained explosion, he had been unable to leave Beaver Creek for a month. The second that expired, Daniel had his grandparents drop him off for the day in Seattle.

Finn jerked up the second he heard the doorbell. 

“Finn!” Daniel’s smile could light up entire cities - it was even enough to make him smile in return.

He hugged him tight, and it felt so fucking good. Finn realized he hadn’t experienced human contact in weeks. Whatever. “There’s my little bro! How ya doin’, kid? Come on in!”

However, Daniel didn’t budge. His eyes were bright, but looking inside the house seemed to make him anxious. He understood - he himself hadn’t been able to go back inside his family house, all empty with his brothers in jail and his dad run out of town. 

“Wanna hang out outside for a while? Gimme a chance to work on my tan.”

“Okay!” They sat side-by-side, watching the cars go by.

“Dude, I’ve been itchin’ to hear about Beaver Creek! How is it, now that you get to stay and hang with Chris as much as you want?” Finn had the gist, from various phone calls, but it just wasn’t the same.

“Chris is  _ awesome _ ! On the weekends we hang out for the entire day. Captain Spirit and Super Wolf have already beaten Mantroid, like, eight times. Plus, he’s -” He lowered his voice, despite no one being nearby. “- he’s the only one there that knows about my powers. So we train together and stuff when no one’s looking.”

“That sounds awesome. Every hero needs someone he can share his burdens with. I’m glad you found someone like that. Does that mean you’re keepin’ your powers a secret from your grandparents?”

“I don’t know how much they know. I think that even if they did know, they wouldn’t wanna talk about it. They can be like that, sometimes… but that’s okay! Me and Chris adventure together and I can talk with grandma and grandpa about other stuff.”

“That’s my bro! From what I saw, Beaver Creek needed heroes like you. How’s school goin’?”

Oof. Bad question - Daniel’s face fell. “I’m working really really hard to be in the same grade as Chris, but I fell behind a lot. Chris and grandma have to teach me a lot sometimes, and I might be in school over the summer.” He looked up at him, eyes hesitant and full of shame, as if _ Finn  _ was gonna judge him for having trouble at school.

“High five, dude. You went through a lot, but you’re keepin’ on and doin’ your best. I’m proud of ya for tryin’ so hard. It’s not always easy for people like us, fittin’ into society.”

“People like us? What do you mean?”

What  _ did _ he mean? “People who’re… special. Who fit outside the box. Like, the way me and Sean are two boys who love each other. Or the way my pop was a criminal, or the way your pop came from another country.” He kept his voice steady, trying to avoid condescension. Daniel had experienced bigotry, but he had no idea if he understood it, how it would affect him for his entire life.

“Oh. I get it. Like how people get angry for no reason, like… Brett.”

“Exactly,” Finn agreed, though he had no idea who Brett was. “Y’know the way all of us drifters banded together at the camp? That’s because we were all special, and we probably looked pretty weird, but that’s because we understood each other enough to feel safe expressin’ ourselves. You don’t look like a freak, but not everyone’s gonna understand your powers, which‘s why it’s important to stay close with those that do.”

“Oh!” Daniel’s face lit up at that. “Then I want Chris to be part of my camp! And Lyla. And maybe more people soon too!”

“That’s my lil bro!” He ruffled Daniel’s hair. “Though you don’t actually need to live in the forest or anythin’. Just be there for each other.”

“I think you’d really like Chris and Lyla, Finn! We should all hang out sometime.”

Uh oh. Finn didn’t know about Chris, but he was uncomfortably certain how it’d go with Lyla. “Sounds nice, Daniel.”

“Really?! Good, because I invited Lyla over!”  _ Oh good Lord. _ “I felt like it wouldn’t be the same if there was no one here that knew the house - you know - before. I think that’s her!” Daniel got up and ran towards what might’ve been Finn’s mortal enemy. He got ready to put on a smile.

Half a block away, Daniel jumped into Lyla’s arms and she hugged him and spun around. That was… nice to see. The duo walked hand-in-hand back towards him.

“Hey, Lyla! Nice t’ see you again. You’re looking nice!” Woof. That was probably overboard.

The look on her face confirmed it was definitely overboard. “Hi, Finn.” Had it suddenly gotten chillier outside?

“Wait a second… you guys know each other?!”

“Lyla here took me out to coffee when I first got here. It was very kind of her.” Finn emphasized the  _ very kind _ part, a not-so-subtle plea.

“Let’s go and see what Finn’s done with the place, Daniel!”

\---

Daniel was going through the house, looking for memories, and toys he didn’t get to take home. Which left, much to his dismay, Finn alone with Lyla in the living room.

“Can I getcha anything? Water? Tea?”

She simply turned to him and gave him a once-over. Her gaze wasn’t cutting, or angry, just clinical. “Dude. You look like shit.”

“W-what?”

“I know I’m one to talk, but have you been sleeping okay?”

He hadn’t. “‘Course I have. Nicest bed I’ve ever slept in.”

She perked up at that. “Which? Sean’s?” He nodded. “Can I see?”

Before he could even be tempted to say no, she had opened the door and started rifling through Sean’s desk, similar to how he’d done when he’d arrived.

“He, uh… sketched you. On a Post-It over there.”

“Seriously!?” He knew exactly how she felt. “Can I keep this?”

“Yeah. I know how much… he, uh, drew me when we first met. I look at it every day.” His throat was raw. He wanted this to be fucking over.

“Thanks.” That unrelenting gaze, again. “Listen… I’m sorry for how we ended our conversation before. Well, sorta sorry. You  _ were  _ a cagey prick.”

Finn rubbed the tattoo on his arm, the train tracks Sean had drawn for Joan and him.

“I talked to my therapist about it, and I figured out… it really hurt. Sean was - is, my best friend. It’s not like I’m completely alone, but he got me like no one else did, and when he ran, no one got affected like I did. I was hoping so badly that you’d be… a lifeline, or something. The one person in the world who could understand.” What was this girl trying to do, kill him? She was… so  _ honest _ , in a way Finn wasn’t. Like almost everything nowadays, it reminded him of Sean. “That was unfair to put on you. I’m sorry for that - really. But looking at you now - you feel it, right? This big fucking hole, and nothing makes sense while that empty space is there but the world keeps moving on and on.”

Finn’s instinct was to lie, to say anything to shut her up and get her out so he could continue blocking everything out. But she was right. She was so fucking spot on it hurt. All he could do was nod stiffly, ignore the threat of tears.

“Maybe you’re not ready to talk to me. That’s fine. I don’t take it personally - well, I did, but I’m cool now. I think we both deserve to heal, however much we can. At first, when he left, all I could think was: how am I allowed to be happy when he’s out there struggling? But I’m finally accepting that Sean’s a selfless asshole. He wouldn’t want us to be hurting, and if we want to support him when he gets back, we have to be in one piece.”

She rifled around in her pockets, pulled out a business card.

“I got your number, Lyla…”

“No, stupid. This is my therapist. I know it probably seems unimaginable. At first I was like ‘hell no’, but someone close to me knew I was hurting and told me I deserved help. Finn - you deserve help, too. I know I don’t know you that well, but Sean wouldn’t want to see you like this, either.”

His hands hesitated.  _ What Sean would want. _ He thought of Joan, how she saw emotions as things that we could work on managing, and how he had basically been running for a month and a half from anything that could make him feel something new. He imagined her in front of him, asking: ‘are you distracting yourself, or healing?’ He wanted to tell her he was healing.

“You’re right. I don’t know if I’m ready to talk yet, but… I want t’ be. I think I can work towards that.” He reached out, and took the card. “Thanks. I’m still gettin’ used to people… givin’ me second chances n’ shit. I tend t’ fuck the first ones up.”

Lyla smiled. It made her look her age. “I didn’t do this for you. I did this so we could be friends and I could steal all your cool-ass clothing.”

Finn laughed, for the first time in a while.

\---

He’d received many “wake-up calls” in his life. Usually it was just adults who thought they knew everything about him and wanted to lecture him into their perfect image of a teenager. But Daniel and Lyla’s visit actually woke him up. It was like he had spent the past weeks half-asleep, tuning out reality. He wanted to be with Sean, not himself, after all, so when he was alone he just… checked out. But around Daniel, he was reminded of what made him leave behind life at the camp. It was a sense of purpose, something worth fighting for. He wanted to hold onto that.

And so Finn found himself walking into the first meeting with his therapist. It almost made him crack up, the contrast of this scene with his life just 4 months ago. The therapist’s room - office? - didn’t feel as clinical as he expected. It was a comforting little space, nicely decorated, with things to fidget with on the table. He avoided looking at the actual therapist herself, a middle-aged woman with short brown hair and a warm smile, who shook his hand when he entered.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Finn. I’m Dr. Burke, but you can just call me Isabelle.”

“Nice t’ meet you, Isabelle. I like the room! Homey.”

“Thank you! It helps me relax, and I hope it does the same for you. Now, for the sake of transparency, I’d like to elaborate on the structure of our sessions together. We’ll book sessions together ahead of time for 45 minutes each, and they won’t be too structured, okay? Just talking about whatever you’re in the mood to talk about. It’s important that this is a space that you like coming to - I’d rather you enjoy talking about small stuff rather than feel pressured to make yourself uncomfortable and end up dreading your time here. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah… sure does.”

She laughed, a gentle, non-judgemental sound. “First time coming to therapy?” He nodded, nervous. “A lot of people come through with no idea what to expect. Every therapist is different. Some are more focused and structured, even assigning homework, some are more relaxed and casual. I try to stay in the middle - I want to help you work on yourself, but only at your pace and in a way that makes you feel enabled to move forward in life, not in a way that makes you feel burdened by our meetings. If my approach doesn’t work, I’ll recommend you to one of my colleagues. How’s that sound?”

“Uhh, pretty good. So… how do I start?”

She laughed again. “How about you tell me what motivated you to come into my office?”

“Now that is a long-ass story, Isabelle.”

\---

From then on, visits with Isabelle became part of his usual routine. Talking to her was nice - he couldn’t tell her as much as he could with Sean, but he also felt a lot more comfortable dumping stuff on her that he never did with him. They spoke about his dad, his brothers, how Hannah meant a lot to him but he had never said so, about how he was scared he had fucked up Sean beyond repair. It reminded him a ton of his time with Joan.

Mostly, during the rare instances he opened up to others, they responded with logic. He once got trashed and opened up to Hannah about the last girl they had housed at camp, a suburban girl named Christina, and how she had broken his heart when she left, suddenly missing her parents. Hannah had simply replied: “What did you expect?” Even though she was right, her words tore him up inside. It made him want to separate himself from all his problems and be safe, make sure nothing ever mattered again. He cried his eyes out in his tent that night.

Isabelle wasn’t like that, though. When she had told him about his dad’s crimes, she hadn’t been horrified like so many others. She had  _ smiled; _ “It must have been so fun to spend time with your dad and brothers.” She understood, approached things with empathy. She was under oath not to tell anyone about anything they discussed, so slowly he told her everything, barring Daniel’s powers. And she listened.

It made a world of difference. Finn wasn’t  _ happy _ again - not by any means. But he felt like he started returning to his body. Saw the world with his eyes again, was ready to participate. He texted Daniel now, sending him little life updates and listening to stories about Chris and what trains grandpa had just bought. He wasn’t ready yet to reach out to Lyla - being vulnerable to one brown haired woman was enough for now - but he had gone from feeling completely alone in the universe, to simply lonely. And life became tolerable again.

\---

One of the first things in life Finn had wanted to address was his lack of friends. When he actually took stock of his life, it was kind of embarrassing. Isabelle agreed - “find someone unrelated to Sean to be friends with. It’ll help you build your identity outside of someone that takes care of Sean.” Given that his hobbies nowadays were reading and same-sex attraction, he found himself attending LGBT book club. “Pride minus Prejudice” was only a short drive from his house and met on Sundays, his free day given he had therapy on Saturday and work during the week. It was held in a gay  _ church, _ a concept Finn certainly hadn’t heard of before but was kind of into, now that he thought about it.

That said, he still faltered before entering the building. He couldn’t help but agonize over the tattoos on his face, his accent, the way he barely knew there  _ existed  _ gay flags or books or churches. The thing that mustered his courage was how accepting Arthur and Stanley were. He wanted more of that. And so he took a step inside.

Chairs were arranged in a circle on the church’s second floor, and people were still setting up and chatting. It was mostly women, though there were a good few men, and the room felt markedly diverse compared to some of the spaces he had seen in Seattle, despite there being no more than 12 people overall.

A girl around his age (though he obviously looked a bit older) approached him. He guessed she was Indian, and her long black hair and big glasses contrasted with the jean shorts and oversized top she wore. “Looking for something? I know people sometimes mix up this church with a school down the block.”

“I’m lookin’ for the gay book club. ‘Pride minus Prejudice’, heh. Funny name.”

Her face reminded him of his teachers growing up, scrutinizing him behind her lenses. “Funny, yeah. This is it, I guess. Are you - here to join?”

“Sure am, glasses!” He reached out a hand. “Name’s Finn. Nice t’ meet ya.”

She frowned at his hand a moment before taking it. “Olivia.”

_ Woof. Cold! _ Was this how Hannah treated Sean? Heh, poor kid. Behind him, he heard someone clearing her throat and starting the meeting, so he quit teasing poor Olivia and grabbed a bagel from the table before sitting.

A black lady with multicolored braids - she looked fucking awesome - raised her voice. “Welcome back, guys! First order of business, it seems we have a new member, so let’s give them a warm welcome. What’s your name, and pronouns?”

“Oh! Hey, everyone. I’m Finn, he/him. Thanks for havin’ me, and stuff.”

The group chorused with “Hi, Finn!” like it was an AA meeting.

Leader lady nodded. “I’m Kendra and I help organize the club, so please let me know if you have any questions. Like I tell every newcomer, we are welcome to anyone, regardless of if you’re straight, questioning, -”

“Oh, that’s cool, but I’m already pretty sure I’m into everyone. Gotta boyfriend though, so I’m taken.” He winked at Olivia and mouthed  _ sorry, _ who simply blinked at him, taken aback.

Kendra laughed warmly. “Awesome! Well, today we’re discussing Nightmare On Elm Street 2. Anyone wanna start off the conversation?”

As Finn listened, he gathered that they were talking about a movie with “homoerotic subtext” rather than an actual book. That was pretty cool, actually. The members of the group who had seen the movie started the discussion, and those who hadn’t asked questions. After about fifteen minutes, the conversation shifted, focusing less on the movie and more on people’s experiences.

An older, burly dude: “the scenes with the coach really hit home for me. Growing up playing football, there was a lot of tension between how  _ gay _ a lot of what we did was and how straight we wanted it to appear. I used to think that football took the straightest dudes and gayest dudes and put them into a shower together.”

That made Finn laugh. Damn, he liked that. Was like a mix of nighttime talks at camp and his chats with the older folks in Away. 

After what the guy said, Olivia trained her sights on him. “Finn, you haven’t said anything.  _ Obviously _ , you’re not straight, but I’d say your tattoos are something that’s often coded as straight, or at least masculine. How do you reconcile your identity with a nontraditional appearance?” She smirked.

What the fuck was she on about? His mouth was still full of bagel and cream cheese. Finn scrambled for a clever answer, but decided to just be honest. “I can’t really take into consideration what people are gonna think when I do shit. I jus’ try to be true to myself, and remember that who I am ain’t changed by what the world tries to tell me.”

The group nodded at that, some people snapping fingers. The burly dude spoke up again. “Very well said. If we obsess about fitting or denying stereotypes, we’re still letting our life be dominated by our sexuality, which is what we’re trying to rise above in the first place.”

Holy shit, had he said something smart? Burly dude had said he spoke well. Finn was - happy. And, what they were saying made sense, even if some of the individual words were totally out of his understanding. He found himself relating to a lot of the discussion about society versus the individual, and later on, it was really nice to listen to people talk about their lives. One Asian woman with kind eyes happily discussed her upcoming wedding, something that filled him with wonder. The hour and a half flew by.

Kendra was the first to come up to him after the meeting. “Thanks again for coming. Our reading list is on our website, but don’t feel pressured to keep up. We’re partnered with a nearby library so all of the books are free and accessible, including on your phone. Our next title is  _ The Children’s Hour." _ She clapped him on the shoulder. “I think everyone really enjoyed your insight today, Finn! You even kept up with Olivia.”

“Hah, she threw me for a loop though, first.”

“Yeah… she’s like that. She goes through a lot to be here. Sorry if she came on strong, but I, for one, was impressed by your openness. I hope we’ll see you again,” she smiled.

“I think that can be arranged,” he said, and meant it.

“Fuck yeah. Have a good one, okay?”

He got ready to leave, but Olivia was standing by the door. “Hey there, Liv.”

“Liv?!” She sputtered, but he just smiled, shrugged. “Ugh. Anyway, we don’t get a lot of new people. Are you coming back?”

“Would you like it if I did?” He waggled his eyebrows the best he could.

She sputtered again. “I need you to know I’m a lesbian. And you’re really weird.”

Finn just laughed and walked out the door. He revelled in the way he felt as he drove home. That was far more fun than he could’ve expected. He could get used to it.

\---

The sight of Cassidy and Hannah on Sean’s front porch left him dizzy. He’d known they were coming; they’d told him they were passing by Seattle and he’d offered them a place to stay, but still, the juxtaposition of two different worlds made his head spin.

They seemed similarly affected - Cassidy had gasped and Hannah had let out a “holy shit.”

“Hey, guys.” Finn pulled them into a group hug, relished the feeling of holding and being held.

Cassidy could barely form words. “Y-your  _ hair!" _

“Sorry, sis. Had to ditch our matching rat’s nests. Hope you can understand. I drift no longer, hah.” It was true - after a couple weeks, Lazaro had told him, frankly, his hair was off-putting for a mechanic. While he maintained the opinion that he could look however he wanted and still be damn good at his job, he’d looked in the mirror and agreed - time for an update. And so he stood there, with short, styled up hair, what his barber had called a quiff. He didn’t know if it suited him, but his old hair sure didn’t anymore, and he’d rather experiment while his boyfriend didn’t have the chance to break up with him over it.

“Forget the hair, Cass - clock the tat.” She looked at his new tattoo and back at him, questioning. “Where do you get off shaving your rebel hair but still getting new ink, huh?”

He simply grinned, happy to leave some things a mystery. “Come on in, ladies. Casa Diaz awaits you.”

Over beer, he explained his new, suburban lifestyle - working 9 to 5, taking care of the house, talking to Daniel as often as he could. 

“As you can see, I’m just a workin’ wife waitin’ for her husband to come home from war.”

“Wow, Finn. This is all… so different for ya, you know?” Cassidy looked around the house, amazed.

“Yeah, well. It took a second, but y’all know how badly I wanted to put down roots ‘ventually. Have a house, and family, n’ shit. I know it doesn’ really look like I pictured, but I’ll get there.”

Cassidy’s eyes glistened. “I’m happy for you, bro. Really.”

Hannah was more skeptical. “Were you unhappy at camp? Be honest.”

“No, Hans, it’s nothin’ like that. I jus’... I realized that maybe travellin’ was a transition for  _ all of us, _ not just the people that did it for weeks instead a’ years. You guys’ll always be my family, but I think I’ve found my own path to follow n’ shit. I don’t regret a thing, promise.” He meant that about his life on the go, but also his relationship with her. The sex blurred the lines, but she was his closest friend, and she was the first one he told he was in love with Sean. He’d always love her for that.

“Y’know how you guys always made fun a’ me, said I was bad with negativity? Well, you were right. I’m goin’ to therapy now.”

“What?” Cass looked horrified. “Are you alright? Did something happen while you were in Arizona?”

“Other than my boyfriend giving himself up to the cops? Nothin’ at all.” He sighed. “I’m okay. More okay than I was at camp, really. I’m just tryin’ to… work on myself. So I can be better t’ the people in my life, who I care about. Like y’all.”

Cassidy seemed unconvinced, but Hannah leaned over and rubbed his knee. That was as close to “thanks, love you” as she got, and it was good enough as far as he was concerned.

“Who knew Sean Diaz would be the one to change you so much?”

“He didn’t.” Finn’s voice was defiant, though he knew Hannah meant nothing bad by it. “That’s not fair to either a’ us, Hans. He inspired me, yeah, but I’m changin’ myself. And… I’m sorry I didn’t do it earlier, when we were all still together. But I mean it. Y’all will always be my family. That’s why you get t’ sleep on this gorgeous couch!”

They rolled their eyes, but it seems they were finally satisfied with his answers. The three of them drank into the night, exchanging stories and reminiscing about their chaotic life at camp. He found out that after he had left, Merrill quickly lost patience with them, and life at camp was coming to its natural end anyway. Penny was staying near Humboldt, determined to find Jinx, which made Finn happy. He missed him, but they were both fighting for their loves. Jacob had decided to travel down south, continuing his ambiguous journey of self-discovery. Good for the kid. And Cass and Hannah had wanted to visit Finn before moving on.

“We wanted to see if you wanted to come with us. In case you changed your mind,” Hannah drunkenly confessed.

“But seein’ you now… you’re where you need to be. We couldn’t get you to come with us if we paid ya.”

Finn almost cried. To him, that was the biggest compliment in the world.

They left the next day, promising to call him from a payphone every once in a while.

“I think I’d like to visit Austin. What do you think, Cass?”

“Austin sounds awesome. But not as awesome without you, bro. Take care, okay?”

He hugged the both of them, and as they walked out the door, it was like something zipped shut inside him. A part of his past, one he could happily open back up and think of fondly, but was over and done with. Closure was unfamiliar, but oddly nice.

He watched them drive away with a soft smile on his face, then went inside and cracked open  _ The Children’s Hour. _

\---

“How was the book club?” Isabelle’s room smelled like lavender today.

“Really really good! I had no idea a fuckin’ book club could make my day. There’s this girl there, Olivia, makes me laugh a lot. She’s cold, but I like it when people make it challenging like that, makes the friendship more satisfyin’.”

“Is that so? You should reach out to her, then. Maybe she’d benefit from being around someone as outgoing as you, too.”

“Yeah, maybe!” That was a good point, and a kind thing to say. “Speakin’ of friends…”

“Oh, yes. You said you had friends that were coming over to stay with you overnight. How’d that go?”

“... Weird. The dynamic was completely different. Usually I’m the one encouragin’ everyone to be reckless, and live a little, take life by the balls, y’know? And I’m still that person. But now, the way I’m choosin’ to live just  _ looks _ a lot more boring, even though it’s hard as fuck. I think that surprised them.”

“Why do you think that surprised them so much?”

“Hrm. I guess they’ve always known me to ignore problems, or try to fix them with some magical convenient solution. I don’t think me livin’ with my problems and slowly workin’ em out is somethin’ they’d ever seen me do before. At one point, when she was real drunk, Cass told me that I looked sad, but I looked more alive.”

“Wow. That’s a hard thing to process hearing, I think.”

“For sure. Is it weird that I’m kinda proud of it?”

“Weird? Maybe,” she chuckled. “Good? Definitely. You said you wanted to work more on feeling your emotions, right? This is a sign you’re doing a good job. To me, it’s scariest not when our loved ones look upset, but when we know they’re upset and they refuse to show it.”

“Yeah. I feel that, Isabelle.”

“It sounds to me like your friends saw that you looked worse on the outside, but knew you well enough to tell that it’s actually because you’re actually working things out for the better.”

“Exactly. It’s like, I have the same goals as I always did. I’m jus’ livin’ with the fact that they take work. A… lot of work,” he sighed.

“Hey, let’s try this. You know I don’t usually assign homework, but why don’t you choose a short-term goal to work on next? You already did great by reaching out and finding an activity to break up your routine. What can you do that you can make progress on by the time we talk next week?”

“Oh, that one’s easy. Me n’ Olivia are gonna be friends.”

She smiled. “I believe you.”

\---

After book club that Sunday, Finn made a beeline for his target. She nodded when she saw him. “Hey there, weirdo. I liked what you said about how Amelia was society or whatever today. Very rebellious.”

“Thanks. What are you doing after this?”

She did that thing where she stared blankly at him again. “Uhhh, walking home and telling my mom I was hanging out with my friends?”

“Wanna hang out with an actual friend? We can watch  _ Maurice _ and get the assignment outta the way for the week.”

She looked conflicted. Now was his time to shine. “You’re gonna tell your mom you were hangin’ with friends. Why not make that the truth, Liv? Plus I find your insight on the psychological trauma of the closet  _ irresistible." _

“What the hell. Fine. But you give me a ride home.”

He high-fived her. “Deal!”

Olivia seemed stunned by the house - it took him a moment to remember that it looked like he owned real estate at the ripe age of 19.

“Y-you live here? I thought you said you live alone.”

“Uh. Sorta. No one’s gonna surprise us, that’s for sure.”

She turned on him, mischievous. “Finn, are you a drug dealer?”

He laughed. “Not anymore,” he said, eyes sparkling. “Can I get you anythin’? Water, tea, LSD?”

“Ha, ha. I’ll pass.” She slumped on the couch - she seemed uncomfortable with the situation itself more than with Finn. He grabbed them both a water anyway and sat down across from her.

“So, Liv, what’s your story? You look around college age. Go to Seattle Central, maybe?”

She winced. “First part’s correct. I’m 19, but I’m on a gap year before I go to college. I’m going to the University of Pennsylvania in the fall, I think.”

He took a sip of water. “You think?”

“I’m kinda… scared, I guess? I’ve never left home, and I’m gonna leave my mom behind when I go. And I guess I’m scared I’ll just get kinda lost out there. But I guess I’m already kinda lost.” Her eyes glazed over for a second, somewhere else entirely before she snapped back into razor-sharp focus. “What about you? How old even are you?”

Ooh, he liked this game. “Guess.”

“You want me to guess? Just from that, I’d say you were 10. Hmm… I’m assuming your parents didn’t support the tattoos, so at least a year over 18, to have time to get so many. I don’t know what the deal with the house is, but maybe 20?”

“Holy shit, real close! I turn 20 this July.”

“We’re the same age? Could have fooled me. Anyway, please tell me the deal with this house. Am I about to get murdered?”

“Probably not. It’s my boyfriend’s house.” Her eyes told him that cleared almost nothing up.  _ Oh, shit, that came out wrong _ \- “Uh, he’s not like 40 or anythin’. He’s younger than me, but his parents are - out of the picture. I’m livin’ and workin’ here for the time being.”

“And he’s..?”

“Um. In jail. For now. Not for too long, though.”

She took a moment to process the information, finally touching her water. “Sorry if I’m asking too many questions. I probably should have asked the living situation before you showed me your oddly nice and tidy house. If you can’t tell, with my friends in college I don’t get a ton of social interaction anymore.”

“I’ll fucking drink to that, Olivia.”

\---

_ Maurice _ was an old-timey movie about this fancy British dude who was like, an aristocrat or something - some kind of elite. He was gay, and at first fell in love with a dude at his school, but because of pressure the other dude started blowing him off and settled down with a chick. But then, he found a younger guy who was a lot more honest and genuine with himself, and they ended up running away with each other to Argentina or something. According to Olivia, it was one of the first-ever happy endings for a gay couple. And it hit Finn  _ hard. _

Out of nowhere, tears were threatening to come, but he needed to drive Olivia home. He didn’t hesitate in grabbing his keys. “I-I’m ready to call it a night, what about you?”

Olivia, bless her, was quick on the uptake with this one. “Fine by me. I can navigate you to my place, it’s not far.”

The car ride was more silent than the movie. The sun was setting, which only served to make Finn more melancholy. He was probably making his passenger very, very uncomfortable.

“S-sorry. I’m usually not like this, I swear. Today was really fun with you, n’ I’d like to do it again.”

“Me too, Finn. Can I get your number?” She added her contact to Finn’s rather barren list. “This is about your boyfriend, right?”

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

“Oh, dude. You’ll get your happy ending soon. I promise, okay? You should text me sometime.”

He hadn’t even realized he’d gotten to her house. He nodded, forced a smile.

“See ya around, Liv.” He drove off before she could react and he could break down.

When he got back home, he walked straight to Sean’s room and locked the door, even though there was no one to see him. He laid down on the bed and started bawling, whole-body sobs.

His brain couldn’t stop replaying the movie, how rejected Maurice felt - how he rejected himself. The way his ex-lover simply lied to himself and Maurice about everything. How Maurice’s new lover, a gritty, full-of-heart boy younger than him reminded him so  _ fucking much _ of Sean. Seeing them get their happy ending, while he sat in the house, devastatingly alone, snapped something inside him.

He let himself cry for a while. Joan had once told him that crying was only as bad as having to piss, or something - just a natural process that needed to happen. He let it happen as his mind repeated  _ Sean, Sean, Sean _ and he desperately tried to pretend he wasn’t the loneliest person in the world. When the tears had dried but he still felt hollow, he picked up his phone.

“Finn!” Daniel’s voice was soothing even from a distance.

“Hey, lil bro. Sorry for calling you so late. I was wonderin’ how your grandparents’d feel if I came over for a day visit sometime this week?”

“They’ll say yes! Even if they say no, I’ll make them say yes! I’m so excited, you’ll get to meet Chris!”

“Me too, buddy.”

After discussing the details with Claire, his grandmother, Finn crashed. At least he had something to look forward to.

\---

Lazaro gave him the Tuesday off, no questions asked. Finn was a hard worker and hadn’t missed a single day of work, never slacked off. He supposed Merrill - or his dad - had taught him well. It creeped him out, but in times like these it helped. For some reason, Daniel had a half day Tuesday, so after 12pm he’d be free. At 9:30, Finn got on the road, shooting a quick text to Olivia:

**F:** hey ;)))

**F:** sorry for the breakdown. promise it’s not a regular thing

**O:** It’s all good. Next time I’ll bring tissues and I’ll tell you about my ex

**F:** next time? ;)

**O:** Please stop you are a threat to society

From that he assumed it was behind them. People like Olivia were just like that.

As he drove, he idly wondered what Joan or Isabelle would say about the fiasco. The Old Finn would have been mad that he let all that emotion affect him so much, but now he knew that if emotion needs to take its toll on you before it leaves, he needed to let that happen. That said, was that sudden burst a result of him blocking  _ even more _ out? The idea scared him, that even with all of his work he was still not dealing with everything. He decided to turn on the radio and simply cruise.

A solid three hours later, Daniel was in Finn’s arms in a place he hazily remembered. Beaver Creek had been unkind to him before, but he was willing to give it a second chance. God knows he’d received plenty of his own.

He greeted Daniel’s grandparents with a warm and firm handshake, trying his best to make up for their suspicion at his tattoos.

Grandpa spoke up first. “So  _ you’re _ Daniel’s other big brother. Welcome to Beaver Creek.” Finn didn’t mention his prior experience with the place.

Grandma - Claire, he remembered - gestured for him to sit down. “We’d love to welcome someone who helped our boys through such a hard time. Let me grab you a hot chocolate.”

They sat and talked for a bit, Daniel impatiently chiming in and doing a puzzle next to him.

“It was so hard, not being able to be there for them the way they deserved, you know?” Claire had an… air about her, that made him think that in any other circumstances, they’d butt heads constantly. But on this, he understood her completely.

“Luckily we get to be there for ‘em now, right? Each in our own way.” Claire had squeezed his hand warmly at that.

“This is boring, guys! Can we go over to Chris’ house now?” Daniel was such a little brat. It made him smile.

“Oh, we’ll let you go, Finn. Just be sure to be back for dinner tonight.”

“Thank you, ma’am!” He smiled apologetically as Daniel dragged him out the door. “Alright bro! Show me this mythical Christopher!”

Chris turned out to be a blonde kid - holy shit, Finn was putting it together. He was covered in blue paint to look like a superhero, the same paint Daniel had been in, way back when he had met the kid. Memories threatened to overwhelm him for a moment.

“Captain Spirit! Honored t’ meet you, sir. Daniel’s told me a lot about you!”

Chris blushed, stammered a bit. “H-hi! Same for you. It’s cool to meet you, Finn.”

He smiled and crouched down, trying to put him at ease. “Super Wolf told me that you two got a secret hideout. I know I’m no superhero, but I’d still really like to see it, if I got permission.”

“Oh, sure!”

Daniel furrowed his brow. “Of course you’re a hero, Finn! You saved Sean back at camp.”  _ And then promptly fucked him over, _ he thought. Chris’ eyes widened at that, though.

“ _ He’s _ the one that saved your brother from the bad guys? Oh man, Finn, you have to be a hero with us! When Sean gets back we’ll be an epic four man team!”

“You’re the boss, Captain Spirit.” Finn climbed the tree house ladder - it looked recently fixed up. Good.

“What should his superhero name be, Daniel?”

Daniel scratched his chin. “Back at the camp, he taught me how to throw knives! Maybe… Quick Knife!”

_ Yikes. _ That memory made him cringe. He’d been throwing knives on his own when Daniel had come across him, and given that the kid had seemed especially put out by Sean lately, he’d given him some lessons instead of shutting him out. In hindsight, giving Daniel even  _ more _ dangerous abilities was a pretty bad idea. Plus, he felt a lot more responsible for Daniel now than he had then. “Uhhh… I don’t really think that fits me, anymore, don’t ya think?”

“Hmm… you’re right. You’re much more boring now,” he laughed. “Then, what?”

“Well, most of the time, I’m in Seattle, tryin’ to support you from afar. Can that be a part of my superhero thing?”

Chris brightened at that. “Wow, like Oracle! Maybe you can be… Quick Shadow, the unseen rogue!”

“Holy shit. I love that, Chris! Quick Shadow is on the scene. Y’all need help, I’ll come all the way from Seattle in the blink of an eye t’ ambush the bad guys.”

“So cool!” The boys agreed amongst themselves.

“Say… did Sean have a superhero name?”

Daniel was quiet, but Chris piped up. “He was the Silver Runner!”

“Silver Runner, huh?”  _ Guess Quick Shadow wasn’t fast enough to keep up with him. _

\---

The new inspiration whipped Chris and Daniel into a frenzy, and after playing with them for a couple of hours, Finn was losing stamina. Thankfully, he saw an out - the chance to do something he’d been wanting to address for months.

“Oh, look, my dad’s home!” Chris pointed to the truck pulling into the driveway.

“Can I meet him, Chris? Y’all could play inside.”

Chris nodded enthusiastically, pleased about the potential of a change in setting. He led them inside - it was nice enough. About as tidy as the home Finn himself kept. 

“Dad, we’re home, and Daniel’s friend - uh, older brother is here?”

“Older brother?” A voice boomed from the other side of the house. Finn gave the boys high fives and let them run off.

“Hello, sir. I’m not Sean, I’m just real close to him and Daniel, is all. Name’s Finn.” He’d heard bits and pieces about Charles, from Sean back in Away, and from Daniel over the phone. Nothing to confirm any danger - otherwise he was certain Sean or Claire would have handled it already - but still cause enough for Finn to want to make his own assessment of the guy.

He had tired eyes, similar to Finn’s own, earlier in the year. The guy seemed like he’d had a bright spirit, tamped out by something bad. “Oh, gotcha. Chris seems to like you.” He seemed a little nervous - good. Finn did not have a lot of empathy for shitty dads.

He didn’t let his biases show, though, instead showing a winning smile. “Them boys are a lot of fun, but damn good at tiring you out, huh?” The question was subtle, a trap laid - were you tired of your child?

He simply smiled back, went to the fridge and dug out a cola. “Oh, yeah. Don’t know what I’d do without him, though.”

He kept his voice neutral. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Not sure if you heard, but his mother passed a while ago. I was never really prepared to be a single parent, but… you know. I try my best. Life has gotten a lot better for Chris since Daniel moved in, though. I remember when him and Sean first dropped by - they left a big impression on him.”

“Yeah, they tend to do that,” he agreed. “And raising a kid alone sure ain’t easy. Sean sure had a tough time with Daniel for a while there.”

Charles sighed. “I have a lot of respect for Sean. A guy that young should never have to shoulder all that.” Finn kept trying to get him to let some bitterness slip, some proof of malice. But Charles just seemed melancholy. Like his wife’s passing had broken something he couldn’t fix.

Finn decided to be a little nicer. The guy seemed to pass the test. “Nobody should have to shoulder all of that on their own.”  _ Including you, _ he left unsaid.

“You’re a cool guy, Finn. Won’t lie, the tattoos kinda scared me at first. But you remind me an awful lot of Sean. We had a… similar conversation. Inspired me a lot, to get my shit together, get some outside help. I considered sending Chris away for a while, but I ended up deciding against it.”

Fuckin’ Sean. He was 200 miles away and in prison, yet here Finn was falling more in love with him. “Maybe ‘s not my place to say, but I’m glad you didn’t.” Charles looked at him, surprised. “I can tell - you’re trying, right? And you’ve got more help now, than you did before.”

“I - yeah.”

“Chris might not understand it all. But he’ll see that you’re fightin’ for him. Tryin’ to be better. That stuff… means the world to a kid, growin’ up. Inspires them, too. I, uh, wish I had that.”

Charles nodded. The silence was thick with unspoken baggage.

“I should, uh, get goin’. ‘S close to dinnertime, and you know Claire.”

“Heh, I do. Thanks for coming over and talking. Let’s do it again, next time you’re in town.”

“Will do. See ya around.” Finn left him there, a man on the journey to bettering himself for his son. A part of him was bitter - this man was lightyears better than his own pop. Yet something about it inspired him. Chris, and how bright he seemed. It possessed his thoughts while he ate dinner.

“You are a delight, Finn. We’d love to have you back for dinner sometime again. Thanks for driving out and visiting Daniel.”

“No prob, Stephen. Can I get a goodbye hug, Daniel?”

“For sure! Thanks for coming by, Finn! It means a lot. I love you. See you soon!”

“I’ll see you soon, bro. Text me!”

Finn kept thinking about everything on the drive. The visit was just what he needed to ground himself again, remind him he could face his problems. And something about Charles trying to improve made him think not of his dad, but of himself. Finn had wanted so badly to see the evil inside him, save Chris from it, but instead he had only felt sympathy. Maybe he deserved to give himself the same sympathy, too.

\---

“Here’s the plan, feel free t’ tell me if you’re not into this. Step 1: we get high as kites. Step 2: We talk about Sean. Step 3: I avoid bringin’ up Sean for the rest of the night, so I’m not deflectin’ anymore, by accident or on purpose.”

“Finn McNamara, you are a genius and if I were into men and you weren’t dating my best friend, I would be all over you right now.”

That got Finn laughing, and they weren’t even high yet. Soon enough, though, that was fixed, and the Sean Talk began.

“Are you in love with him?”

“Full honesty time. Lyla, I am unhealthily into Sean. He’s the love of my life. If he wanted to propose, I’d probably say yes without a doubt even though he’s three years younger ‘n me and needs to finish high school first.” God, weed was such a blessing. He could say his thoughts and shit and not agonize about how pathetic he sounded.

“Damn. Good, though. I wouldn’t settle for anything less.”

“Ha! Good. I wouldn’t feel right about a Best Freakin’ Fighter that  _ would _ settle for less.”

“Did he really talk about me?”

“Oh, yeah. And don’t take this the wrong way, but mostly at night. I think it was because thinkin’ of you hurt him, in a good way. Like you were everythin’ good he was leavin’ behind. Made me jealous.”

“Ha! This tattooed punk is jealous of me. Life is fucking weird.” She looked over at him. “Can I take you to parties?”

“So I can get drunk with more high schoolers and get arrested? I’ll pass. ‘Preciate it, though.” He pulled down his left sleeve. “Wanna see this tattoo, since you’re so interested?”

“Nice, dude. Did it hurt?”

“Physically didn’t feel a thing. Emotionally… Sean and I designed this one together while we were stayin’ with his mom. Got it on the road back to Seattle from an old friend in California. Wanna touch?” 

She ran her fingers over it in silence. “The visits aren’t the same, are they?”

“No. Not at all. I know I should feel grateful to see him at all, but seeing him like that… fuckin’ kills me. I can barely drive home after. I do it for him, though. Try to smile, tell him stories about shit that happens out here.”

“Me too. I know he’s here in Seattle, but he’s not  _ back  _ yet. It’s funny - Sean is  _ everywhere _ with me but in that visitation room. I can’t even talk to him without feeling guilty, because either I’m a total bummer or I’m bragging about all the shit he can’t do. Then I remember that he’d want me to be happy because he’s  _ Sean _ and I feel even worse.”

“A-fuckin’-men.” They each took another hit of the joint. “Alright, let’s wrap up Sean talk. Time you got to know ole Finnegan. Any other questions or anythin’?”

“Listen, about what happened with Esteban -” Finn froze. He still hadn’t figured out what to say about that. “- you don’t need to tell me anything. I was out of line for that one. Sorry. For real.”

“Lyla… I wasn’t lyin’ when I said Sean never told me. Daniel told me he doesn’t remember, and since it’s Sean we’re talkin’ about -”

“He’d never spill. I get you. It’s not yours to guess about.”

They sat in silence for a moment, blowing smoke and thinking.

“So… tats. Spill.”

Finn laughed. “Not really a good story. I went to jail - is that a reason?”

Lyla peered at him. “Why?”

“My dad was a fucked up individual, that’s why. I was the scapegoat.”

“Fuck him.”

Finn blew out smoke. “Fuck him.”

“Makes me feel better about my mom. I still need to manage her, though; would you think I was an ungrateful brat if I called her the Momster?”

“Not at all. My bad experience’s got nothin’ to do about your bad experience. We’re friends, after all. Can’t be puttin’ our own shit first, right?”

Lyla smiled. “Right.”

“Although, the story behind the tattoo Sean designed is pretty fun. It was actually for a friend of mine. Wanna hear?”

“Obviously!”

The night passed in quiet comfort, two lost souls who understood each other. Lyla told him stories of Misty Mice concerts. He told Lyla stories from camp, about the time a girl named Christina had busted his heart into little pieces. They passed out together, side by side on the floor of Sean’s room, surrounded by little pieces of him.

\---

3 Months Later

Finn and Olivia, confused teenagers and partners-in-crime, were taking on Mt. Rainier on a Sunday day trip.

It had been Liv’s idea. “I was gonna ask if I could come over so we could watch the assignment, but  _ Brokeback Mountain? _ Is Kendra out of her mind? Forget book club for the week. Let’s do something cool.”

Finn quite liked _Brokeback Mountain_ , but he kept his mouth shut - when Olivia let go, she really let go. And so, they found themselves on a different mountain, climbing through the fog.

“I keep seeing Instagram posts of the Penn students that, you know - didn’t take a gap year. It fucks me up, like damn, I could have gone to that party and met Millie Bobby Brown, you know? Oh, you have no idea who that is.”

“Nope! But I’m real glad you’re here with me. And you’re gonna go t’ college, and be so comfortable with yourself, and have a much better time than a measly 18 year old who has no idea who they are yet.”

“Aw, you think?”

“For sure. That fiery attitude of yours, and those glasses? You’re gonna have the Penn girls all over ya. You’ll be able to start your own book club with all your fans.” That earned him a punch in the arm.

He was a little out of breath - they were climbing pretty high, close to the topmost point of their chosen trail. Though, it helped that there was a road halfway up the mountain, making it much less of an intimidating hike than it could have been. It was cool for July, and the public seemed largely uninterested in their area - it was just him and his friend, ascending the path.

“How are things with Isabelle?”

“Pretty good! I’m settin’ goals and shit. Helpin’ my confidence, provin’ I can solve problems, that I don’t have to run or whatever.”

“That’s awesome, Finn. You should tell Joan.”

“Heh. Already did. We’ve been trading art we found more recently - she discovered Instagram and has been goin’ crazy over all the ‘indie’ artists.” They laughed. “How’re things with the parents?”

“They’re still getting used to a lesbian daughter. They wanted to pull me out of book club at first, but when I told them ‘Pride minus Prejudice’ was the majority of my social interaction, they let it go.”

Finn nodded. “They’ll get there. They love you, it’s just hard for immigrant parents...” he went quiet as they reached the peak of their trail. “Holy shit, Liv.”

Mountains stretched before him, curving around into the horizon, dotted with trees and crested by snow. A waterfall rushed down the side of a hill, and the Washington countryside laid over the horizon. The view left him breathless, reminding him of why he loved travelling. He staggered to the closest bench.

“Damn.” Olivia turned to him. “You okay? Tell me how you’re feeling.”

“I’m okay.” He was quietly shedding tears. “I know I’m cryin’, but in a good way. Natural process and all that, you know?”

“What are you thinking about?”

“Uh. Beauty, I guess. And the fact that I’m pretty close to happy right about now. Seein’ this… dislodged a lot of stuff inside. There was a time I didn’t think it was possible to feel like this anymore, and I guess I’m jus’ real glad to have proof otherwise.”

She rubbed his back - a lot of affection for her. He appreciated it.

“Thanks for being here with me, Finn.”

“Nah, thanks for comin’ with. And hangin’ out with a weirdo like me. These breaks in my routine saved my life, you know?” They sat with the view for a long while, breathing and being.

The descent down the path was quieter, but more content. They listened to stupid music on the road home - Olivia had shown him a band called The Aces that were essentially lesbian pop rock, and ever since they were their go-to. However, as Finn returned to civilization, his phone started ringing.

Olivia looked at the contact. “It’s Daniel - you should take it! He’s a cutie.”

“Put it on speaker for me?”

The voice on the other end was ecstatic. “Finn! Finn! It’s Sean!”

“Hey, Daniel! What about him, lil bro?”

“He’s getting let go early because of behavior or something! He’ll be out in a week! A week, Finn!”

6 months instead of 9 months. Finn almost crashed the car.

\---

He stood alone, in the lobby of the detention center. Claire, Lyla, Daniel, even Karen had offered to come with him. They had argued about whether they should come but eventually they all agreed that it was best Sean had some space, leaving Finn the duty of being his greeter. Given that he had experienced coming home from juvie before, and they were gonna share a bed that night anyway, it made sense. That didn't stop him from sweating bullets. He had fantasized about what to say, what to do in this moment for months, but now that it was here… 

Did Sean feel the same way about him that he had before? He was going to be 17 soon - that was a whole lot of commitment to demand from someone. Plus, what was going to happen now? Where was he even going to sleep? Would Sean even talk to him anymore, or would he be the closed off boy he first met?

His head spun into overdrive when he saw him. The love of his life, wearing not a shitty uniform, but a hoodie and jeans, even though it was July. A look in his eyes that said he was battered, but not broken, escorted by a guard. Sean looked up, saw Finn, and suddenly every thought in his brain quieted. Every nerve in his body stood on end. It was  _ him. _ Not the shell in the visitation room. His soulmate. Sean.

Finn looked anywhere but at the receptionist verifying his identity, and signing Sean out. He only looked up when he heard those familiar footsteps approaching him.

“Hey, Sean,” he started to say, and was interrupted by his boyfriend grabbing his face and pulling him into the best kiss of his life. Him. He was here. They made it. Finn could barely open his eyes, but Sean grabbed his hand.

“Hey, Finn. Let’s get out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. If you read this far, thank you so much. This chapter was a _doozy_ to write, due to everything I felt needed to be there. Finn figuring out who New Finn was without Sean, going to therapy, befriending Lyla, etc. Originally, this chapter was going to be much shorter, but then I figured out who Finn is.
> 
> Finn's a fuck up. He needs second chances - he only ends up with Sean in canon if Sean gives him one, for example. To me, Finn's behavior in Episode 3 is that of a boy who is resigned, someone who dissociates himself from his problems, or looks for magical fix-its. That's why he attempted the heist in the first place. He fantasizes a lot, and in Episode 3 he's so unhealthy that he lets himself believe those fantasies might be real with no work or effort. He's ambitious AND lazy.
> 
> Dating Sean is what inspires him to change - actually getting the object of his desires makes him realize that getting what he wants takes work to get and keep. This was all set up previously, but it's this chapter where he comes to reckon with all that, and I'm so proud of him for rising to the challenge. Honestly, this chapter was completely inspired by the pandemic, and me being away from my loved ones and figuring out how to exist without them, so it was extremely therapeutic to see Finn struggle but ultimately find his way and find some degree of happiness despite circumstances.
> 
> You might notice people pay a lot more attention to Finn's tattoos in this chapter. This is because for the most part, Finn's appearance gets a lot more "normal" throughout the chapter - especially his hair. He doesn't dress like a nerd or anything, but in hipster Seattle, he blends in perfectly. Except for the tattoos, which single him out as an outsider at times.
> 
> Finn getting to meet Chris and Charles was something I had in my head from the beginning. Finn still has a lot of repressed anger about his dad that he hasn't dealt with, and Chris would of course remind Finn a ton of himself. Finn's clever, and sneaky too - that's why he was able to get so far with the heist, and take care of the group for so long. This side of him finally gets to come out with Charles, and while it was disconcerting, it felt genuine. Of course, Finn ends up relating to Charles instead of hating him, because Finn is a big softie and I love him.
> 
> The Quick Knife superhero name was a nod to Owlmug and their fic "If I Lay Here" which I LOVE and heartily recommend to everyone. However, I didn't end up giving him that name because that's stealing, but also because I truly believe that by this point, Finn here is completely different.
> 
> I'll talk about the Finn/Lyla dynamic at the end of the next chapter - you didn't think that would be the end of their relationship for this fic, did you? Please stay tuned for the final chapter, coming next week. I check up on comments while I write, so if you've made it this far, I'd really appreciate if you'd drop a note and let me know what you think : )


	4. Motion Sickness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and its title were inspired by _Motion Sickness_ by Phoebe Bridgers. It is recommended you've read _And I've never seen you smiling so big_ , the previous work in this series, to understand some of the references made later this chapter. 
> 
> Also, happy birthday, Sean!

“How did we get here?”

“Ouch, sweetie. I’ll have you know my awesome mechanic skills keep this vehicle runnin’ smooth, despite appearances.”

Sean smiled. “No, I mean -” he gestured vaguely ”-  _ here _ . I’m out of juvie and you have a steady job, and  _ we _ -”

“- are totally, helplessly, completely in love?” Finn said it as a joke, as if he weren’t desperately starved of affection.

“Yeah. That too.” Sean kissed him again. Finn melted into his seat.

“Ready to go inside, sweetheart? Been a while.”

“I know.” Sean looked gaunt, wary. “F-fine. Let’s do it.”

His boyfriend got out of the car slowly, as if he were trying to avoid making any sudden movements. Finn circled to the trunk, pulling out the limited personal effects that had stayed with Sean during his incarceration. He slung a backpack over his shoulder and chose to hang back, watching Sean’s face as he took in the house.

“Lotta conflictin’ memories here for ya, I’m assuming.”

Sean didn’t respond. That was fine - when he had come home from his stint in prison, Finn had barely spoken for days. It was only after he ran away and started drifting that he felt real enough to really talk to someone again. If Sean needed time, Finn would give that to him. If he needed love, he’d give that too.

He silently took Sean’s hand and led him to the front door. Sean held his breath. Finn tugged him inside, leaving no time to hesitate and eliciting a small “oh!”.

“See? You’re home. You’re safe. I promise.” Sean looked as if he were made of stone.

With no response, Finn went about putting away Sean’s things - folding what was clean, putting in the hamper what was dirty. Sean seemed to be exploring the house as if it were the first time, so he left him be. Instead, he worked on making dinner - juvie food sucked balls.

The sun set, leaving the only light in the house coming from the kitchen. Finn had no idea what Sean was doing, but whatever it was, it was quiet and in the dark. He had no time to go check on him, busy sauteing chicken and vegetables, cooking rice, laying out a dining table for the two of them. He even went as far to light a few candles, going the extra mile to set the atmosphere. The pleasant aroma wafting through the house was almost enough to soothe Finn’s fraught nerves.

“Sean!? Dinner, sweetie.”

After a moment, Sean stumbled out from the hallway, looking surprised. “Oh. You… cooked?”

“Yeah, didn’t you hear me? But, yes, I did! Your sexy boyfriend’s got some new tricks up his sleeve, huh?”

Still nothing. Sean just sat down to eat. Finn fought a sigh and sat down with him. If nothing else, he was eating a candlelit dinner with his partner. That had to count for something.

“How was life here? For real. Don’t lie.”

“I wouldn’ -” Finn paused. He  _ did  _ sugarcoat his life when he visited Sean. It occurred to him that they hadn’t really, actually, talked in 6 months. “- Alright. It was hard. Crazy hard, at first. It was a real struggle, gettin’ myself to the point where I could feel emotions again. Heh - then when I started lettin’ those feelings out, I’d cry like a maniac every once in a while. I once completely lost it the first time me and my friend Liv hung out - you’ll meet her - and I was terrified she’d think I was crazy. But she’s not the most elegant herself, so it ended up makin’ us closer. But god damn if that wasn’t embarrassin’ as all hell.”

Sean looked like he could smile. “Tell me more.”

“Sure. I met your friend Lyla real early on when I arrived. The trip up to Seattle helped me get used to… everythin’, but I still hadn’t  _ processed, _ you know? But Lyla had. She had spent more time sittin’ with it than me, and I jus’ wasn’t ready to open up all those wounds. I ended up icin’ her out when we met. I was real cold, Sean. Whew!” He cringed, thinking about it. He had been in so much pain.

“You? Cold? I can see it, I guess. I bet Lyla blew the fuck up at you.”

“Ha! Sure did, stormed out and everything. Looked damned sexy doin’ it, though. Lyla’s a fighter, no doubt in my mind. She was the one that recommended I go to therapy. Was a lifesaver. We’re cool now, we get high like, every Friday, but it definitely took a while.”

“You go to… therapy?” Sean reached out a hand across the table. “Holy shit, Finn. Did something happen? Let me help.”

Finn looked at him in confusion. “No, sweetie. I mean, sure, there’s details of my life before we met that you don’t know about, but nothin’  _ happened." _

“Sure, but you don’t need a therapist when you have me, dude. Let me be here for you.” 

“You already are here for me, and I appreciate ya for that. But I don’t think me quitting therapy’s fair to either a’ us. I don’t wanna put all of my trauma shit on your shoulders, and I need help from a professional.”

“Huh. You do sound different.” Sean’s eyes flashed. “You grew up, a lot, didn’t you? Without me.”

“I had to. For us.” Finn rubbed Sean’s knuckles, hand cradled in hand. “I wanted to be good enough for you to come back to. To stay with.”

Sean looked neutral on the surface, but Finn knew him well enough to tell that there was a storm inside, as he withdrew his hand and continued eating. The table was silent until they finished their meal.

“I’m gonna go shower.” Sean hesitated. “Is my…”

“Your stuff sucked, Sean. Typical 16 year old hygiene,” he laughed. Use my soap, it’s in there. Feels nice!”

Sean nodded and left. Finn’s expression dropped as he sat alone in the candlelight before getting up to clear the table.

The rest of the night passed without incident. Finn changed into his nightclothes (pajama pants, nothing else) and waited for Sean. 

“‘S it alright, if I keep sleepin’ here? I like it a lot. And… I like you a lot.” Sean nodded, laid down in his arms. “I missed you, Sean.”

He didn’t respond, just turned off the light. Finn wasn’t sure, but he thought Sean might have been crying.

\---

The morning was a peaceful wait for Daniel to come visit. Keeping in tradition with so long ago, Finn woke up long before Sean. He fixed himself a tea and tried to keep up progress on  _ The Price of Salt _ for book club that Sunday. A little after 11, he heard the doorbell ring. Daniel’s grandparents were dropping them off, giving the boys some alone time.

“Hey there lil bro!”

“Finn!” Daniel gave him an epic bro hug. “How’s Sean? Where is he? Is he… okay?”

He let his tone get serious. “Yeah, he’s just sleepin’ now. He’s in one piece and everything. But Daniel, Sean went through somethin’ that neither of us can fully understand. I’ve been to juvie, and it affects everyone differently, especially considerin’ what Sean went in accused of. He’s dealin’ with something that might make him look or act a little different, but he still loves you just as much, alright? It’s our turn to be there for him.”

“Yeah. Like heroes!”

That brought a huge smile to Finn’s face. “Hell yeah. Like heroes.” Super Wolf and Quick Shadow swapped their hero salute, and stepped into the house.

Daniel yelled for his brother just as he emerged from their room.

“Sean?!”

“Daniel, is that y-” Sean was interrupted by a leaping hug that knocked the two boys to the floor.

“You’re home! I like it so much better here than that stuffy detention center!”

After catching his breath (the tackle had winded him), Sean hugged his brother back. “Me too,  _ enano. _ I’m right here,” he murmured.

Finn’s heart warmed at the sight of his family. “Get off the floor, laddies, you’ll get dirty! Daniel, can I get you an orange juice?”

“Yes please!”

Finn poured his little brother an orange juice and put on a coffee to brew for Sean as the boys talked.

“Was it scary?”

“Sometimes. It wasn’t like constant danger, just… a general vibe of everything sucking. A lot of things were really embarrassing.”

“Did you get in a fight? Someone at school said you’d get in lots of fights and it made me really mad.”

“No,  _ enano. _ No fights. I stayed out of trouble,” he said, shaking his head.

“Yeah! And they let you out early! You got out so fast!”

“Mhm. Really fast…” Finn guessed Sean didn’t believe that quite as much.

“I missed you so much! Silver Runner missed so many adventures with Captain Spirit and Super Wolf!”

“Did I..?”

“Yeah! Sometimes...” Daniel paused. “We’d pretend we were busting into your building and rescuing you. But I knew you could handle yourself. Especially without dragging me around.”

“Oh, Daniel… I thought of you every day. I missed our time together a lot, even if so much of the situation sucked ass. Having you with me was complicated, you know that, but I needed you. Probably more than you needed me, dude.”

“But you’re back now.” Daniel hugged Sean’s torso, leaving the older boy confused as to where to put his arms. He settled for rubbing his back soothingly.

“Yeah. I’m back.” Finn placed Daniel’s juice and Sean’s coffee in front of them.

“Oh, thanks Finn! How are you feeling, Sean? Good?”

“Sure, I guess. Why? Are you planning something?”

He stood and ran to the front door, looking through the window. “I invited Lyla over!”

Finn groaned. “Daniel, you gotta stop surprisin’ people with Lyla. She’s too hot to handle without proper warning.”

Daniel swung open the door. “Hi, Lyla!!”

“Hey, dude! Look at your hair! You look so nice.” Finn admired her willpower - had he been in her position, not having seen Sean in almost a year, he would have charged right through the poor kid.

“Thanks!”

“Hey, Lyla.” Yup. The look in her eyes at Sean’s voice was familiar indeed. Their hug was so intimate Finn felt like he should look away.

“Hey, asshole.” 

In quiet voices, Lyla and Sean discussed  _ everything _ \- at least, everything they could say in front of Daniel. Sean told her, albeit with little detail, the events that had transpired after his dad’s death, with Daniel adding in here and there while he fiddled with his toys. Lyla, in turn, told Sean of her mental health’s decline while he had been gone, and updated him on happenings at school that flew over Finn’s head.

She even came out to him properly: “remember that time I called Jenn’s body ‘bangin’? Yeah, so I’m into girls now.” Sean had simply laughed softly.

For his part, Finn gave them their privacy, half listening, half texting Liv. When Sean and Lyla’s conversation had run its course and the mood was quiet and sullen, he swooped in.

“Hey, kiddos! Anyone hungry?” He laid down a plate of chips, vegetables and dip, and turned on the TV. “Who’s up for some motherfucking Mario Kart?”

Lyla and Daniel cheered and snatched up controllers from the table.

Daniel turned the game system on, impatient. “I can’t wait to be Link! Lyla, are you gonna be Isabelle again?”

“You know it, dude. Gonna beat you, too!”

Sean got up and got a controller too, though he seemed to take a moment to remember how it worked. 

“Beat me?! No way! Remember last time?”

His boyfriend cocked his head. “What happened last time?”

The memory made Finn laugh. “Ooh, last time, Lyla paid me to tickle Daniel. She stole victory at the very end. It was a damn good time - I’ve earned fifty cents in worse ways.”

The group laughed, although Sean’s seemed a little forced. Daniel and Lyla didn’t seem to notice, and soon the game was on.

Mario Kart was a vigorous affair, with each participant eager to assert their dominance over the group. After a few rounds, the game devolved into infighting.

“This game’s a helluva lot harder when I’m not high,” Finn moaned, throwing his controller.

Lyla laughed - more like an evil cackle. “Don’t kid yourself. I beat your ass even when you’re stoned.”

“Hey! Sean beat both of us by far. Ain’t that right, sweetie?”

“I guess.”

“Finn! Finn!” Daniel tugged on his arm. “Do the Waluigi voice again! I wanna hear!”

“Ahem…  _ wah!" _

Daniel quite literally rolled on the floor with laughter. Not wanting him to be alone, Finn joined him, giggling, and Lyla, safe on the couch, laughed less at the impression and more at the ridiculous scene before her.

This is what family was supposed to be like.

\---

Finn was unused to sharing a bed rather than a sleeping bag or a tent, but he found he didn’t mind it. Sean’s smaller bedframe forced the two boys to wrap themselves around each other, and it made the nights cozy. Once upon a time, it would have felt erotic, but with their level of intimacy it was simply comforting.

They lay there, on their second night. Sean lay on his back, being bigger than Finn; it had been unclear who was taller all those months ago, but he had the definitive advantage now. It was pretty hot. Finn snuggled up to him, laying his head on Sean’s chest and doing his best to wrap the rest of his body around Sean’s, comfortable in his arms. It was exactly what he had dreamed about for months. But Sean seemed preoccupied.

“You seemed really happy, today. Comfortable. With Daniel and Lyla.”

“Fuck yeah. Love ‘em both. They supported me through some lonely, dark nights. It really was rough, sweetheart. People who are there for you during times like those are golden, you know?”

“I wasn’t there for you.”

“Oh, Sean.” He searched for wording from his internal library of gay literature, anything to describe how wrong he was about that. “I know we were apart, but darlin’, I could never explain how fuckin’ present you were to me for these past months. You were goddamn everywhere. You were with me every time I saw a happy couple, when I saw a piece of art, when I was decidin’ whether or not to go to my next therapy session. You made me better when you weren’t even there.”

“You’ve changed so much, Finn. And I…”

“Sweetheart, you have an entire life ahead of you, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. We both have a lot of change to do. I’m here for you through the whole thing, if you want me.” He kissed Sean’s hand, held it to his cheek. 

“What would you have done, if I had gotten more time? More than 9 months. Like, years.”

“I can’t answer that, sweetie.”

“Try.”

_ Fuck. _ “Alright… I guess I woulda blamed myself. I already did blame myself, how things went down. Sean, if I lost you and I knew it was my fault, that would have wrecked me.” Finn sat up. “But I want you to know we’re not doin’ any of that vain ‘first love’ bullshit. If this relationship ain’t workin’ for you, you  _ have _ to tell me so we can do somethin’ about it. We’re gonna change, sweetie. It’s okay if somethin’ that used to work doesn’t anymore. And I don’t want you stayin’ with me because you think you owe me or whatever. That’s all bullshit. I want you to chase your happiness, just like I’m chasin’ mine. If we’re both doing that, I’ll be okay, whatever happens.”

Sean nodded in the dark. “Okay.” He pulled Finn back into his arms, silent; he needed time to think, which was fair. This conversation would be finished later.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Finn.” Sean’s throat sounded dry.

\---

Kendra’s braids this meeting were rainbow - she had changed them for Pride and kept them after they were a hit with the club. As usual, she cleared her throat and the room fell obediently silent. Finn smirked, sitting between Liv and Sean.

“Welcome back, guys! It seems we have a new member with us today! Mind telling us your name and pronouns?”

Sean looked around, panic settling in his eyes when he realized he was being forced to speak in front of a crowd.

“Er - hi. I’m Sean, and… what are pronouns?”

Kendra smiled patiently, used to people who were still learning. “Pronouns are how people refer to you by gender. For example, I’m Kendra, and I go by she/her.”

“Oh. Cool.” Sean rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, I go by he/his then.”

Finn rubbed Sean’s shoulder affectionately. “And he’s taken! Sorry, folks.”

The group laughed, though Liv just rolled her eyes, hiding her amusement.

Finn spent most of the discussion (this meeting’s title was  _ The Price of Salt _ by Patricia Highsmith) smiling at Sean’s familiar confusion. He remembered well how the conversation had seemed alien at first, but he had warmed up so quickly at the kindness the members exhibited. It made Finn understand the words “community center” - he felt community in this room.

After the discussion, Sean hunted for leftover bagels at the snack table while Finn and Liv laughed about some of the livelier moments of the discussion.

“Talking about being ‘flung into space’ as a metaphor for falling in love does  _ not _ make science fiction, you idiot!”

“I wouldn’ be so sure about that, Livvie. Pretty sure the last sci-fi movie I saw took place in a little setting called space.”

Liv was laughing and inches from smacking him when Sean returned, bagelless.

“Hey. Sorry to interrupt,” he said, ducking his head.

Liv put out her hand, a little too intensely. “Hi. I’m Olivia - NOT Liv - and I’m Finn’s friend. I’m gonna be a freshman in college this fall. You’re a senior.”

Sean took her hand, confused. “Uh. Yeah! Thanks for keeping Finn company. I know he can be, uh, a lot,” he muttered.

Finn planted a kiss on Sean’s cheek. “Thanks, sweetie. Liv, what do ya say to brunch? I learned last week that gay people are supposed t’ have brunch, and now I’m all embarrassed that I’ve been so behind.”

“Dude, I’ll go, but only for Sean. You’re insufferable.”

“Good enough! You wanna pick the place, baby?”

“Oh, sure.”

The drive was lively - Liv and Sean were both awkward as hell, but they had Finn as common ground, and of course the subject of their conversation was there to fill in lulls. They set up at a nearby diner, sipping on coffees and teas. 

Liv took her coffee black, but it didn’t seem to bother her any as she drank. “So, Sean, are you going back to school this fall?”

His cheeks went red. “Oh, I was sorta planning to finish out high school online. I’m kinda off-pace anyway…”

She patted his hand. “Listen, I’m not one to judge! I’m actually Finn’s age, I’m just taking a gap year. It took me a while to figure out, but pace, just like, doesn’t exist. Your  _ boyfriend _ here taught me that.”

“Have ya figured out your major yet, Liv?”

“I’m in the College of Arts and Sciences, so I have a ton of options, which is exciting and scary. I’d like to mix something theoretical, like Gender Studies, with something practical, like Economics, but ask me again in two years.” She giggled - she really was getting more comfortable in her own skin.

Sean’s eyes sparkled at that. “Wow. You really could do two totally different things like that?”

“Yeah! Liberal arts colleges are great for figuring yourself out like that. I just could never be just one thing, you know? I’d feel like I was missing out on something important.”

Sean nodded but didn’t say anything to that - Finn could tell it took some of the air out of her sails. He jumped in. “No English major, Liv? You’re tellin’ me your devastatin’ critique of my theories about Sappho’s poetry was for nothing?”

“Dude, someone needed to stop you before Sappho rose from her lesbian grave and killed us all for ruining her work.” They broke out into laughter, startling their waiter.

“Thank God I’m not any funnier. I woulda lost my chicken and pancakes!” He touched Sean’s arm. “Look good, sweetheart?”

“It’s fine.”

\---

It didn’t come as much of a shock when Finn found Sean packing his things at 4am. They had been through this before, back at camp; yet that felt like another life.

“Hey, Sean.”

He looked up in shock. “Shit. You’re up?”

“I thought I was supposed to be the early riser,” Finn yawned. “What are you doing?”

“Um. Packing.” The guilt painted all over his face stirred something deep inside.

“For what, sweetie?”

“Just… just getting out for a while.”

“Where to? I can come with you.” He reached for the backpack Sean was holding, but he jerked it away.

“ _ No. _ Um, no, not that kind of trip. You should stay here, dude.”

“Where are ya goin’? Do you have a plan, Sean?” 

“Did I have a plan when my fucking dad got shot? I did well enough, didn’t I?”

“Did you?” Finn sat at the counter, clutching his head. He didn’t understand any of this.

“Whatever, Finn.”

“Are you breakin’ up with me? Is that what this is?”

“No! Sort of? I just need to get out of here.”

His words stung, it was hard to take offense when Sean was so clearly confused and in pain. “What does that mean? Talk to me, here.  _ Please." _

“You wouldn’t get it, Finn.” Sean was trying to ice him out, but fuck that.

“Did you fuckin’ forget I  _ went _ to juvie? You’re right, I don’t get it. I’ve been trying to give you space since you got back, but this is just off the fuckin’ wall.” 

“I don’t know why you bother so much with me. You’ve seemed so happy here. You don’t need me.”

Part of Finn wanted to leave his body, let it happen and stop caring. But that side of him was left behind somewhere in California. No, Finn was here in the moment - and he was pissed. He spoke without thinking.

“Excuse me?” Sean looked at him, shocked by his tone. “I’ve been happy  _ because  _ you’re back. Nah, fuck that - I’ve been happy because I’ve tried to be. You haven’t tried at all.”

Sean kept blinking, clearly caught off-guard by this side of his boyfriend he hadn’t seen before. “So it’s my fault I feel like shit? I’ve been gone so long that no one needs me, at all. Why am I even here, Finn? You’re clearly doing great - you’ve been dragging me around to a bunch of shit I don’t belong in but makes you happy. Lyla has her new best friend. Daniel has a new big brother and new parents, and I have nothing.”

“So I’m nothing to you?” Finn’s voice was violently cold. He trembled.

“No! No. I told you you wouldn’t get it. When you’re locked away, you’re just  _ out. _ Locked out of every place where you mattered until people move on and you’re left behind. Finn, you’re so different now. You were always so much greater than me. Now I’m even more behind and I don’t think I can catch up. I don’t even see why I should. Daniel deserves a stable, fun big brother that gets him orange juice and snacks, not…  _ this." _

“Sean, Daniel deserves more than either of us could provide on our own. You fuckin’ knew that, even while you were on the run. Just because his survival doesn’t hinge on you anymore doesn’t mean you don’t mean the world to him.”

“Yeah, for now. And what about when he grows up and realizes his brother’s a fucking  _ criminal? _ What then?” Sean slumped down, eyes shimmering with tears. “I know you all missed me. But you don’t need me. And sooner or later you’re gonna realize you don’t even want me. I don’t want to be there when it happens. Karen taught me that.”

“Oh, Sean. I’ve been there, trust me. Once you think of yourself as a criminal you feel lower than dirt. Like you’re a drain on society, on everyone around you. But that’s a scar I can’t fix for you. You know how I healed? Family.”

Like always lately, Sean didn’t respond. “We promised we’d take care of each other without getting blinded by our own shit. Everyone in your life has been  _ workin’ _ to be better, to figure ourselves out during all these changes. I know it must have been tough, bein’ so needed by someone and then it seems like they’ve moved on. But Daniel still loves you. And I will  _ always _ want you, sweetheart. Can ya… can you find it in yourself to stay with me, for a little while?”

He crouched down and gave Sean a hug. Finn wasn’t angry, not anymore. The emotion had simmered down into something different. Sean clutched at his arms, finally letting himself cry. “My dad would be so fucking disappointed in me, Finn. I think I failed everyone.”

“Oh, darlin’. No one is disappointed in you. Except me, but that’s ‘cause you tried to pull one of my own moves on me,” he joked. “Sean, we all love you. We look happy not because we’re better off without you, but because we jus’ couldn’t survive otherwise. We needed to process. Start movin’ on the path to happiness, no matter what.”

Sean took shaky, drawn-out breaths in Finn’s arms. He seemed to calm himself down, talk himself down from the edge.

“Y-you’re right... I was being selfish, wasn’t I?”

“Not selfish. Just… short-sighted. I’ve been there, sweetheart. When I first got here, I was so upset about you being gone that I was a fuckin’ douche to Lyla. I just didn’t get how she could act like she did. She got angry at me, like I got angry at you. It was the reason I got help.”

“Wait, really?” Finn nodded. “You seem so different, now. It’s… scary. I’ve never seen you angry.”

“I changed. I had to, Sean. Heh - Cass and Hans barely recognized me. But I told you, no more getting blinded by my own shit. Sometimes that means that I let myself feel emotions I’m not used to. Like anger, instead a’ guilt.”

“What if you feel differently about us?”

“Sean, I’m goin’ to feel differently about you, because people are  _ supposed _ to change. Our relationship is gonna change. It’s okay if that freaks you out, ‘cause it scares the hell outta me. But I trust you. Can you -“ Finn paused to wipe tears out of his eyes “- can you trust me?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can. I do.”

“Good. Then can we go back to bed? I’m fuckin’ exhausted.”

Sean laughed - probably the first real laugh he’d let out in months. “Okay.” They held hands as they walked back to bed, and collapsed into each other. “You know, angry Finn is sorta hot.”

They’d be okay.

\---

Dear Joan,

Well, remember how long ago, you told me that you dealt with a problem by letting yourself be pissed? Seems like I followed in your footsteps.

I think time on the road has made me pretty good at adapting to new situations, because I never thought I’d be good at this. Fucking suburban life - pretty different to camp or Away, huh? I’m actually the happiest I’ve ever been, it’s crazy.

My newly realized adaptability is coming in handy real soon, because me and Sean have decided to ask Karen for help selling the house, and we’re gonna go traveling. Sean’s court case means he can’t leave the country for a while, but that won’t stop us from doing the best goddamn cross-country road trip of our lives. I’m excited because I get to sleep in a car instead of on trains (they can be pretty loud).

That’s not for a while though. In the meantime, I’m gonna keep saving up money and start fixing up the house to sell it. Daniel’s a little sad about it, naturally, but he’s a smart kid and he’s found a new home. I’m so fucking happy for him. Sean’s taking classes online and thinking about his  _ career _ \- fancy, right? Maybe I’ll be his trophy wife.

We’re both going to therapy, now. He was resistant to the idea at first, but he warmed up to it when Lyla talked to him about her experiences. He’s starting to identify his anxiety, and as much as it pains me to see all that negativity he’s holding onto, I’m glad he’s finally dealing with it. I hope someday he realizes how much people love him for him, not what he can do for them.

In case you want to visit your two favorite tattoo artists, we’re holding a going-away party at the house in two months. We know it’s a long distance to travel, but it’d mean the world to see you there. And who knows - if we don’t see you there, maybe we’ll run into you on the road! Life is pretty strange like that.

Peace and love and shit,

Finn

PS: Here’s one of Sean’s sketches. What does it make you think about? Miss ya, Joan.

\---

They snuggled together on the couch, pretending to watch  _ The Hobbit. _ Finn played with Sean’s hair, who sighed contentedly.

“Daniel called me this morning.”

“Yeah? How’s lil bro doin’?”

“He’s all caught up on school now. Finished his summer classes and is going to be in Chris’ grade this fall. Says you motivated him to keep trying.” He sounded proud, of both of them.

“Real shit? I-I’ll make sure to text him congrats.” Finn sniffled a bit.

“And... he told me he was inspired by me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Because ‘I’m trying really hard too.’”

“Well, aren’t you? I think everyone who knows you is pretty damn inspired.” He kissed his forehead, basking in the moment. “Ya know what I miss?”

“What?”

“When we were all sneaky back at camp. I didn’t like keeping you my secret, but I did like having secrets with you.”

Sean smiled at the memory. “I miss that too. Our secret double lives.” His murmured voice came out in a growl, making Finn shudder.

“You know how many times I thought about kissin’ you on those train rides?”

“Hah. You too?”  _ The Hobbit _ was barely background noise at this time. The air seemed to heat up between them.

“I’d think about other stuff, too, you know.”

Sean leaned over on Finn, pinning the smaller man down, their faces inches apart.

“Like what?”

“Oh, you know. Trimmin’, Merrill,  _ Lord of the Flies, _ and -” he let out a filthy moan as Sean bit his neck “- you bending me over and fuckin’ my brains out. Y’know, the usual.” His breath was hitched, face flushed. Sean was  _ much _ more confident these days.

“Good.” Sean laid directly on top of him so their lower bodies were touching, Finn’s legs wrapped around Sean’s back. Sean ground against him, kissing down his neck and drawing out more moans.

“I was thinkin’... a fun project… we could try to set Lyla and Liv up on a date…  _ fuck _ baby -”

“That sounds awful. I’m in -  _ shit, Finn!" _

\---

Phase 1: Convince Liv. Arguably, the most difficult phase.

“You ever dated anyone, Liv?”

“Oh, god. What are you up to? Please don’t humiliate me. Or make me humiliate myself.” She paused  _ Priscilla, Queen of the Desert _ and looked at him with adorably big eyes behind her glasses.

“I-it’s nothin’ like that! I swear!” He couldn’t help it. Liv was so cute and pitiable when she dropped the whole dominatrix angle. Then again, he had a mission. “But what if she was cute and funny?”

“Ugh! Finn! You can’t do this! I’m about to go to college on the literal other side of this country.”

He wasn’t backing down. He made a promise during sex - that was sacred. “And how much datin’ experience have you had? Weren’t you takin’ a gap year to figure this kind of stuff out?”

“Dude, I took a gap year to come to terms with my sexuality, not demonstrate it. Plus I had a  _ lot _ of anxiety. Anyway - this either goes down two ways. Either she’s not right for me and we waste our time, or she’s too right and I get my heart broken for nothing.”

Finn grabbed her hands, looked at her sincerely. “Gettin’ your heart broken is never a waste of time. Plus, you need practice goin’ on dates, meetin’ people. Do it for me?”

“I cannot believe I’m letting you have this much power over me. Can I please unpause the movie?”

“Aw, yes! Fuck yeah! Sean owes me five bucks.”

“What was that, Finnegan?”

“Never mind. Go ahead and unpause the movie.”

\---

Phase 2: Convince Lyla. Also arguably the most difficult phase, seeing as Sean couldn’t convince a bird to fly. He had told Finn how it went down after the fact.

Sean and Lyla had been hanging out at the skate park, when he had brought up her coming out.

“Thanks again, for telling me. Have you - have you, uh, been looking… at anyone?”

“Why are you being so weird? You’re literally gayer than me, mister I-sleep-in-a-bed-with-my-twink-lover.”

“... What’s a - never mind. I was just wondering if you were interested in dating yet.”

“Ha! Do you feel bad about me third-wheeling with you and Finn? Because we’ve hung out together, and I’m pretty sure  _ you’re _ the third wheel most of the time.”

Sean put his hands on his heart. “Ouch! Damn, Lyla. Shame on me for wanting you to find love with a pretty lesbian with glasses.”

“Hmm. Like, dorky glasses or hipster glasses?”

“Kinda in-between, but more dorky.”

“Oh my god, are you talking about an actual person?”

“Maybe. Want to meet her?”

“Fine! Fine. Exploit my single-ness some more, will you? I can’t believe Sean Diaz of all people is setting me up on a blind date.”

“It was more Finn’s idea.”

“Oh! Then of course I’ll go. Why didn’t you say so sooner?”

Sean laughed before shoving her.

\---

Phase 3: Be Sneaky. The blind date location was a local coffee roaster that had a stage for the most mediocre guitarists and slam poets Seattle had to offer.

Finn gave Liv a ride “so her hair wouldn’t get messed up”, and Sean had offered to walk with Lyla and give her tips, as if he were any wiser about dating. Of course, after they dropped off their victims, they reconvened nearby.

“Did ya see if they sat inside or outside?”

“Fuck. They went inside.”

Finn had a serious look on his face. “Then we won’t be able to watch from afar. Disguises it is, sweetheart.”

Sean nodded and put on beanie and hoodie. He was already used to trying to go out in public without getting recognized. Finn, on the other hand, put on a fedora he’d thrifted and a turtleneck sweater, completely transforming from a punk into a Seattle bohemian.

“Recognize me?”

“Only by the face tats, stupid.”

“That’s what the fedora’s for, Sean! Now let’s get in there.”

They did their best to walk in inconspicuously, as if they were two random bros getting coffee together and not two drifter boyfriends stalking their best friends. Finn ordered a coffee and a tea for them while Sean found a table that was just barely within earshot. They sat and ducked their heads, tuned into the conversation.

Liv and Lyla were having a somewhat awkward conversation about college.

“Economics, huh? I heard Penn’s cool for that. High school econ sucked ass, though.”

“Ha, yeah, I didn’t like it a lot either.”

“Oh, but you want to major in it? Shut up, you liar!”

“Is this Lyla flirting?” he asked Sean.

“I have literally no clue.”

“So, um, gay book club! That’s fun. I only just came out, so it’s cool that there are activities for it, and stuff,” Lyla said.

“I like it a lot. You should come sometime! If you want. I can be kinda intense during the meetings sometimes, though.”

“Probably not as intense as -” the girls burst out into laughter.

“God, his first time there was so funny. He had  _ no _ idea what we were saying, and I think he hit on me at one point -”

“Cheating on Sean?! He’d never! Have you seen the way he is when they’re around each other? He doesn’t even try to hide how head-over-heels he is. It’s adorable.”

Finn’s face was burning up, although he wasn’t exactly ashamed. Sean just gave him a sheepish grin underneath his hoodie.

“I’ve only met Sean a couple of times, but I totally can’t imagine him being, like, lovey-dovey.”

Lyla retched. “Oh my god, I can, and that’s even worse. Dude, they must have gone through some shit for Sean to be so comfortable around someone that’s  _ that  _ affectionate. There was this girl a couple of years back that hit on him, and he literally skipped school to avoid her asking him to homecoming.”

They laughed again. Sean held his face in his hands. 

“They really are the ideal, though. Like, can you imagine them fighting? Finn angry? Not possible.”

Sean gave him an amused look at that - Finn just shrugged.

“Ha! You’re right.” Lyla paused. “Hey, do you wanna get out of here, walk around?”

“Sounds good.” They got up, walking right past Sean and Finn, who leaned into each other to avoid notice.

When they had passed their table, Lyla nudged Liv. “Dude, I didn’t know people still wore fedoras. Gross.”

Sean had laughed at that for a split second before Finn covered his mouth. Thankfully, the girls didn’t hear, and were soon out the door. Sean took his beanie off and leaned back, chuckling to himself.

“Mission… completed?”

“Yeah, sweetie, I’d say this was the worst idea I’ve ever had. And it’s  _ me, _ so that’s sayin’ somethin’.”

“I had a good time. This coffee’s good!”

“The tea’s good, but the view is better.”

“Is this...” Sean interrupted himself with a snicker. “Is this a date? Are we on a date right now?”

“Sneakin’ around, gettin’ ourselves into trouble - that’s how we got started, right?”

“I guess you’re right! Thanks, Finn. I’m having fun.” Sean’s eyes sparkled, and his smile was so genuine Finn wished he could take a picture of it and keep that moment forever.

\---

Busy days slipped away, and after the boys finished fixing it up, the house found a buyer, who was blissfully nonplussed about the history of the place. Not soon after, Sean finished his last few classes (having gotten a headstart in juvie), making him a high school graduate. As such, festivities were in order. And no one knew how to bring people together like Finn McNamara.

He pretended like the party was a collaboration between the two of them, but in truth Finn planned most of it, including a couple surprises. Sean was in charge of the decorations, and left the house to buy something at Z-Mart. Finn was busy in the kitchen putting together a party dip while Daniel and Lyla sat in the living room.

“You excited, bud?” Lyla wore a purple top with black pants, looking far more elegant than anyone at this party had any right to be.

Daniel was bouncing off the wall. He had arrived a couple hours ago to “help set up” (hang out with Lyla), but Chris and Karen would be there soon. “Everyone’s gonna be in one place! It’s been so long since anything like that happened. This is so cool! Finn, can I help cook?”

He brainstormed while he drained some beans, a wooden spoon between his teeth. He dropped the beans and spit out the spoon, crouching down to Daniel. “I gotta special mission for ya, bro. Can you handle it?”

“Yeah! Yeah! What is it?”

He handed him his phone. “I need you to be our DJ. Make a playlist of the most bangin’, groovy, party songs you can. Can ya do that, soldier?”

Daniel saluted him. “I’m on it!” He jumped on the couch next to Lyla and went quiet, thinking as hard as he could. Lyla smiled at Finn as he went back to preparing layer 5 of a 7 layer dip.

“What about you, Finn? Excited to see all of Sean’s family? Or are you scared of the in-laws?”

Finn laughed. “I’m pretty sure there was a solid day or two where I was closer to Karen than Sean was. But yeah, it’s a little nerve-wrackin’ to be the boyfriend right now.”

“Ha! I hear you. You’ll do fine, though. And let me know if you need to take a breather,” she said winking. He silently thanked God for weed and Lyla Park.

The speaker roared to life with a familiar song.

“Do you remember this song, Finn?!”

“This is the Gorillaz! Of course I remember, bro, this was the soundtrack to our road trip.”

Daniel dropped the phone and grabbed Lyla, pulling her to her feet to dance. The seven layer dip could wait a moment, Finn decided, and he danced over to them.

The speaker blared the lyrics as the three of them twirled and moved their hips:

_ You’ve got to press it on you _

_ You’ve just been thinking _

_ That’s what you do baby _

_ Hold it down, there _

The house alarm sounded with the entrance of someone through the front door.

“Am I interrupting something?” Sean’s voice was muffled by the big bag of decorations he hauled. Finn snatched them out of his grasp, threw them down, and dragged him into their impromptu dance. He struggled, but gave in to the groovy vibe.

The song passed in a flash, replaced by a moodier ballad. “Ha… so… fun,” Daniel panted happily.

“I’ll get us some water,  _ enano." _ Sean gave them a toothy grin, and Finn returned to making his dip. “We’ll need your help putting up the streamers.”

\---

Though the party came together from a thousand separate pieces, it was exuberant and made a certain sort of sense. Daniel’s carefully-chosen music washed over the guests as they mingled, at first sticking to their original spheres before mixing into groups Finn never had thought he’d see.

He saw Sean’s old friend Brody talking to Joan and Karen, chatting animatedly about traveling. Chris, Lyla, and Daniel were huddled close to one another, seemingly in cahoots about something top-secret. Liv had been surprised to find that one of Sean’s school friends had been accepted to her school, so they were hitting it off in a corner. In the center of it all sat Sean, sat talking to Claire, Stephen, and Charles, an odd group. Finn decided to check in, see if Sean needed any help.

“... I remember when I had the energy to hide in a treehouse for hours. Lost it somewhere in my twenties, I think,” Charles was saying with a rare laugh.

“Hey, guys? What’re we talkin’ about?” He sat down next to Sean.

Stephen gave him an affectionate smile. “We were just trying to convince Sean not to worry too too much about Daniel. It’s our turn to keep him safe - we’re excited for you guys to hit the road and find yourselves.”

“That’s really exciting,” said Charles. “I used to play basketball in college, and getting to go around the country with my teammates was awesome. It’s cool, that you have the chance to explore before you get tied down.”

Sean looked surprised. “I didn’t know that! Any advice, for road tripping cross-country?”

“Get some practice at making mistakes.” He looked at Finn fondly. “Someone smart once told me that it’s not about doing it perfectly, but that you keep at it and move forward.”

Claire tutted. “Don’t be too reckless, though. You boys have given me more than enough stress for a lifetime.” They all laughed at that.

Finn pardoned himself from the conversation only to run into Daniel. “Ah - hey, bro! Having a good party?”

Daniel looked around cautiously and then gave him the superhero salute.

“Oh, gotcha, Super Wolf. What do you have to… uh, report? Ha.”

“Secret meeting right now in the living room! Bring Sean.”

“Sir yes sir!” Finn obediently turned and grabbed Sean’s arm, whispering in his ear: “You’re needed with me, Silver Runner.” They said goodbye to the adults and walked hand-in-hand to their meeting.

Chris and Daniel were whispering in each other’s ears when they arrived, though they broke apart rather quickly when the boys arrived, faces red.

“O-oh! Hi, Quick Shadow! Silver Runner!”

“Interruptin’ somethin’ here, are we?”

Daniel shook his head vigorously. “No! No. Take a seat.”

“Me and Daniel wanted to give you guys something to bring with you so you remember us!”

“Remember you, huh? Come here.” He scooted closer to them. “We could  _ never _ forget either of you.”

Finn followed suit. “Come on, guys! Just because Silver Runner n’ Quick Shadow aren’t main characters doesn’ mean we can’t be recurring guests, right? And that only makes our appearances more special.”

“Plus, if we find someplace to live that’s far away, then you guys can fly out and stay with us.”

Chris’ eyes were wide. “Really? I’ve never been on a plane. Promise?”

Finn offered his pinky. “Swear.”

Sean stood. “So, what’s this about something to remember you guys by?”

“Oh! Here,” Daniel said, offering them a drawing. It was of four scribbled figures shooting lasers - maybe bullets - at a big white shape.

“A portrait of our adventures together?”

“Yeah! Daniel helped me draw it. I tried to copy your style, Sean, but I think I’m still catching up.”

Sean’s eyes got glossy - holy shit, was he about to cry? “Dude, don’t worry about matching my art - just figure out what your style is at your own pace. You’re already more creative than I am. This picture is awesome, guys. Finn, I think we should get this framed.”

“That sounds perfect, sweetheart. Do y’all mind if we get a photo of our alter egos?”

“Yeah!” They called Lyla over, and she took about 50 photos, trying to get the angle right. Luckily for Sean, it gave him a chance to blink the tears out of his eyes. After the boys ran off, Finn gave him a squeeze.

“How ya feelin’, sweetheart?”

“This is incredible. I can’t believe you tracked down  _ Brody. _ And you got Karen and Joan all the way from Arizona. You’re a force of fucking nature, Finn.”

“Ha! ‘Preciated. You know, you should introduce me to that Brody. His blog was badass.”

“Oh man, I’d like that. Come on.”

Brody was an interesting man, big and good-natured, with a massive beard. His stories of his family in Utah made Finn chuckle.

“So, following in my footsteps, Sean?”

“Can’t say meeting a badass traveller like you didn’t affect our decision.”

Brody gave a hearty laugh at that. “I sound so cool when you say it like that! Though, I bet you’ve been to more states than I have, Finn.”

“Only nineteen or twenty, I think! Was high for most of Idaho.”

“Ha! Rock on, dude. You two are gonna do great.” 

The mention of his old travels sparked something inside Finn - a sudden need to do something. “Uh, Brody, you headin’ to California soon, by any chance?”

Brody’s eyebrow quirked behind his glasses. “It’s definitely on the list, being so close. Why do you ask?”

“We’re out of touch now, but an old friend of mine was lookin’ for his partner over there.” Sean’s face beside him changed as he realized who he was talking about. “His name’s Baptist Dean Mickael. Lotta missing people in the area. Um, I know we just met, but -”

“I could use my job to do some good, right? I think I’ll take you up on that. Sometimes the only thing you need to fix society is some attention. Can I give you my phone number?”

“I’d like that a whole lot.”

Finn slumped a little bit when Brody had left. Sean turned to him, a mix of pride and worry on his face.

“That was really sweet, Finn. I-I can’t believe I forgot. And I’m sure Penny would prefer an independent journalist to the local news or whatever.”

“Yeah. He deserves for things to go right,” Finn said, voice quiet. “I miss them.”

“I miss them too.”

Sean poured them both glasses of lemonade as they lingered for a second, letting the party mood lift both their spirits before they spoke again.

“Dude - I think Karen and my grandparents are actually  _ talking." _

“Holy shit - that’s not supposed to happen, right? They fightin’ or something?”

“Stephen is - he’s laughing!”

“You should go over there, sweetie. Think they’d appreciate some family time.”

Sean’s eyes were thoughtful and observant, the way they were when he was drawing. It made Finn’s heart ache. “You sure? I don’t want to leave you.”

“Go. I’ll see ya in like five minutes.”

Finn chugged the rest of his lemonade, and went back inside to find Lyla, who was finally free from Daniel and Chris’ games. She was texting in the kitchen, but looked up affectionately when she saw him.

“Hey there, pretty lady.”

“Fancy meeting you here! How’s the party going?”

“Good but tirin’. That make sense?”

“Oh, yeah. Sounds like I can help, though,” she said mischievously.

“Finn, I think I left something in Sean’s room,” she shouted, though he was right in front of her.

“Oh! Then I’ll help you find it,” he shouted back. They put on a show of walking into the room and then closed the door.

“Oof! I needed this. I can’t believe Sean’s leaving again. And now I have to be heartbroken about two best friends, instead of one.” She handed him the joint, trusting his lighter skills.

He lit it up and grabbed a smoke buddy from under Sean’s bed to hide the smell. He took a hit, taking a lazy exhale before responding. “That’s real sad. But think of it this way: if we happen t’ settle down somewhere far away, now you got two homes instead of just one.”

“God, you always know just what to say. Gimme that.” She took a greedy hit, reminding him of Cass, a warm feeling.

“You gotta be careful. How do ya know Daniel’s not gonna race in here? Kid is madly in love with you.”

She laughed, spewing smoke. “He’ll have to fight with Liv for that one.”

Finn looked at her, surprised. “Does that mean -”

“A lady’s entitled to her secrets, McNamara.”

“You are one cold, cold woman, miss Park.”

“You love me.”

“That I do!” He took another hit, smiling. “That I do.”

The party only afforded him a few more quiet moments before his host duties drew him back out. For a couple minutes he weaved between groups, refilling drinks and offering snacks. He didn’t see Sean anywhere - probably snagged somewhere by Lyla or one of his school friends - but he did see Liv, looking awkward near the chips and dip.

He hugged her from behind, making her shriek. “Hey! You lost? This ain’t an Ivy League campus.”

“Oh, screw you! I can’t believe this is the last time we’ll see each other for a while. You don’t think there’s any chance you’ll be driving through Pennsylvania, do you?”

“And distract you from your studies? Probably not, Livvie. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You were always much more of a southern guy anyway.”

“I was born in Montana!”

“That’s simply the South of the North,” she said with a stupid grin.

“Sometimes I wonder who’s really the dumb one here.” They laughed, leaning into each other comfortably.

“Hey… can I ask you something?”

“Anythin’.”

“Are you scared, leaving? Even though you know it’s what you need to do.”

He turned and looked her dead in the eyes, expression serious. “Out of my fuckin’ mind.”

“Really? Even though you’re… Finn?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s much scarier when you got  _ expectations. _ That’s when you got somethin’ to lose.”

“Thanks, Finn. At least I know I’m not alone in being terrified even though everyone’s excited for me.”

“You’re never alone as long as you got me, Liv.” She gave him a beautifully non-sarcastic smile. “Oh man, book club ain’t gonna be the same without us, huh?”

“Forget that! What am I gonna do on Sundays without  _ you?" _

“FaceTime me, instead?”

“Ha! That can be arranged, ma’am.” He gave her a once-over: she really held herself different from at the start of this year, like she had grown into her skin. “Have I ever told you that I’m real glad you took a gap year?”

“I got the hint,” she said with a proud smile. “I bet you’re super glad you got to watch  _ Maurice _ with me so I could see you cry about your boyfriend.”

He faked a gasp. “You got  way too comfortable this summer.”

“And whose fault is that?” They laughed again. The conversation quieted then, but it was still just as warm to sit in silence with her, watching the various partygoers go about their festivities. It was rare and important, being able to simply enjoy existing like this. He took a mental snapshot of this moment, the two of them under the trees together.

“Can I steal you away for a moment?” They were interrupted by a voice belonging to Joan, and fuck, Finn had missed it.

“Always,” he said. “I’ll talk to you soon, Liv.”

“It’s Olivia.” She gave him a hug.

“Hells yeah. Don’t you let anyone forget it.” He waved goodbye and followed Joan to the living room.

She sat down on the couch heavily. “Sorry for dragging you away! But I’m getting tired out by all this partying. These muscles need to conserve their energy for now.”

“Hah! Then I’m gettin’ older, too. Feels like most days I burn through everythin’ I have and then some. Sean, Daniel, friends, work, home. Ya know?”

“I know,” she laughed. “But look at you. You look younger than when I met you, but you sound so much more mature.”

Finn blushed. “I’ve been gettin’ that a lot, lately. But it means more comin’ from you, Joan. I'm really grateful to ya, spendin’ so much time on me when I visited. If we hadn’t met, I wouldn’t be sittin’ here, that’s for damn sure.”

Joan smiled, devious. “At first, I didn’t think it was fair, Karen getting two wonderful young boys.” Finn chuckled. “But then I got you. And how lucky was I to meet a spirit that could rekindle the life inside me? You are so good at connecting deeply with others. You bring people together - look at this party!”

“Aw, hey now. Don’t gotta flatter me just ‘cause I know some pretty cool people.”

“This is a wonderful group, yes. But they needed a place to come to, a center. You’re that center. This home that you’ve maintained - that’s community.  _ That’s _ what’s special.”

“I appreciate that. I’m happy to stand back n’ let other people shine. Like Daniel. Meeting him helped me get my shit together. That kid, he’s the special one.” Finn’s tone was nonchalant, trying to hide the feelings bubbling up in his chest.

“Hey - we’re talking about you right now. And what you’ve done these past months, Finn, is build a community. I’ve talked to these people here, and you really made an impact on them! That girl Olivia gushed about you! And don’t get me started on the way Sean talks about you. You changed them, and they changed you. And we changed each other, too.” She proudly compared their tattoos.

“We did, didn’t we?” Finn’s voice was thick, tears starting to flow. “It was real hard, though. I didn’t know if I could do it some days.”

“The best things in life come after a  _ lot _ of challenge. I look at you now, and I can see that all that bullshit you went through made you a selfless, stable, compassionate young man. And Finn, I am so proud of you.”

He surrendered himself into her arms, letting the sobs wrack his body. On some level he was self-conscious of someone coming in and witnessing this mess, but right now, he felt seen. Someone saw him for him, and was proud of him. He wanted to linger in that for a little while.

“And Finn?”

“Yeah?”

“You need to give me the recipe for that dip. Christ, it’s good.”

“‘Course, Joan. It’d be my pleasure.”

\---

Moving out was a bitch. On top of the emotional stress, Finn wasn’t strong enough to lift some of the boxes and he had to sheepishly ask Sean for some help. On the bright side, he got to oogle Sean’s developing arm muscles as he carried things out, so there were silver linings.

Early on in the process, Sean had disappeared into Esteban’s room for a few hours. It helped Finn realize that as much as this was emotional for him, Sean was still going through a fucking lot. It motivated Finn to do more, step up. Not because he was scared he wasn’t good enough, but because he had the power to help.

But in the blink of an eye, what used to be a loving, warm home turned into a house full of boxes and memories. It was bittersweet - another place Finn had grown and connected with people, left behind. It almost made him nostalgic for his days before Sean, when leaving was effortless and unsentimental. But this was his dream - to have something to miss when he finally moved on.

“Pretty fuckin’ good first try, huh?”

“Huh?” Sean looked up at him from where they sat, in what used to be their room.

“At livin’ in a house ‘n shit. Remember when I dreamed a’ putting down roots, back at camp? I feel like I did it. Proved I could do it.”

His boyfriend laughed suddenly - it was a surprise to hear. Letting himself laugh and feel joy without hesitation was still a slow process for Sean.

“You - you laughin’ at me?”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry. I just didn’t expect you to say that.” Sean grinned at the sight of Finn’s face. “I think you were the only one who didn’t expect you to be good at this. You’re a natural, dude! It would have… it would have made my dad happy, to see his house full of so much life and stuff. Thanks - for that.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart,” he said, leaning into him. “I can’t imagine how hard this mus’ be. You holdin’ up okay?”

Sean thought before answering, letting out a deep sigh. “I guess I spent a lot of time running away without thinking about what I was running from. It wasn’t just the cops.” Finn knew what he meant. He was running from the reality of a life without a father, a life where he and Daniel were separated eventually, a life with an uncertain future.

“Are you scared, Finn?” He didn’t need to clarify of what.

“Yes,” he said immediately. “I’ve left homes behind before, but this is real different. I… I got hope. Like when I left Away and came here, this feelin’ of hope that makes me all excited and then I get scared that somethin’s gonna go wrong. Me n’ Liv talked about it.”

“And what did you guys decide to do about it?”

“Nothin’,” he laughed, though his voice shook. “Lean into it. That fear’s how you know you’re alive.”

“Then I am  _ very _ alive.”

“Yes. Yeah, you are.”

\---

This was it. Just Sean, Finn, and a beaten-up car containing the entirety of their worldly possessions - other than the ones they left with Daniel. They hadn’t said goodbye to him yet, partially because they were both dreading the inevitable tears, but also, because Beaver Creek was going to be the first stop. Sean had asked if they could retrace his steps that led him to Finn, and he had happily agreed, looking forward to revisiting Away.

Finn took one last good look at his former home before getting in the driver’s seat. Man oh man, would he feel some affection for Seattle. His time here had seemed to drag during the moment, but on the other end, it felt tragically short. 

His musings were interrupted by Sean’s hand on his. “Ready? I want to be in Away in time for my birthday.”

“Fuck yeah! I bet Arthur and Stanley would give us some of their fancy wine and n’ get us trashed.”

“You never change, huh?”

“Uh - have ya seen my boring-ass hair? Pretty sure I’m leavin’ Seattle a totally different person than when I came in.”

“You’re right. I think we both did,” Sean replied, looking out the window. “How did you do it? Coming here, not knowing how it would end up. I feel like I don’t even have a purpose yet, but we're traveling the country and I have no idea where we'll be in a month.”

“I didn’ have a purpose either. I know we said I’d keep the house for ya, but that ain’t the same." He thought for a moment. "I guess when I felt the most lost, I’d jus' think of you. I found my purpose with time.”

Sean cringed. “Please don’t tell me it’s taking care of me or something.”

“Damn, narcissist alert ! Nah, Joan put it into words for me. I like makin’ a community. Connectin’ with people, bringin’ all my loved ones together, helpin’ ‘em. That’s what I loved so much about Humboldt. If I didn’t have those fuckers, who knows where I’d be? Probably dead in a ditch somewhere.”

“I’m really proud of you, Finn. Have I told you that before?”

“I think you did when I first took you all the way -”

“No, not like that!” Finn had to laugh at the way Sean’s cheeks were burning. “I mean, I know I got really insecure about it before, but I am proud of you. You grew into an even more awesome person. I-I wish I could have purpose like that.”

Finn squeezed his knee as he started driving. “That’s the point of this, right? No rush, just the two of us finally gettin’ to relax and figure it all out. When we find a place where we can chase what makes us happy, then that’s where we’ll stay, got it?”

“Got it,” Sean said. “I’m still scared, to be honest. But a lot of people are rooting for us, right?”

He thought back to the party with a warm feeling in his chest. “Right.”

“I love you, Finn.”

“I love you too, Sean. Let’s get outta here.”

\---

He looked at Seattle through the rearview mirror. His free hand rubbed his tattoo absentmindedly. A sapling, growing through train tracks. He was leaving so much behind. Even so, he had planted something in Seattle that would continue to grow. Something he could water and appreciate for the rest of his life.

And Finn couldn’t wait to do it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so our boys ride off into the (metaphorical) sunset! This fic started with a road trip and ended with one too - it felt appropriate. Road trips symbolize self-discovery, growth, and connection with the self and outside world, all massive themes of this fic.
> 
> When I originally started writing Finn and Sean in the first work in this series, the entire content of _Your Own_ was conceived as an epilogue. However, I realized that what I truly was thinking of was an alternate, brighter Redemption ending and I couldn't resist bringing it to life, for the sake of Finn and all the potential that was never actualized.
> 
> This chapter is the actual alternate Redemption end. In fact, the original version of this chapter centered around a "welcome back" party for Sean. However, it soon became apparent that Sean wasn't in a place to accept and appreciate his community's love yet, so I pushed back the party to the end (lest I write a scene where everyone is happy and Sean is just a bitch to everyone!). The party is a culmination of Finn's hard work - the fact that they can have it at the house, the way everyone comes together, all Finn's doing. What Joan said was very real - Finn changes people, and they change him back, so much so that he's so different after Seattle that writing this became hard - perhaps Old Finn would never say this, but New Finn would, and so on.
> 
> I loved being able to write relationships we never saw in the original, like Lyla and Finn. Finn needed to earn that friendship, though - Old Finn was someone who very actively prevented most people from seeing the true him, to the point that he even lied to himself at times. Lyla doesn't put up with that bullshit. As such, writing their fraught meeting in Chapter 3 and seeing them finally make it work and enjoy it in Chapter 4 was a pleasure.
> 
> You might have noticed I neglected Daniel a little bit, or he seemed more childish in this fic. This is due to two factors: one, Daniel's innocence is largely preserved when he never hurts Sean's eye or meets Lisbeth. Two, some scenes that would have been in this got shelved (but not deleted) in order to maintain length and cohesiveness. If you're reading this, please let me know if you'd be interested in something centered around Daniel and Chris! Feedback helps a lot, especially about what you'd like to see.
> 
> I want to mention that a lot of the themes at the very end of this chapter - moving forward when the future is extremely uncertain and you're terrified - is very, very inspired by 2020 for reasons I don't think need explaining. The rest of this year will not be so kind to me in terms of how much/often I can write, but I hope to continue spending time in this universe with all of y'all - this has been an amazing experience.
> 
> Lastly, I want to shoutout Owlmug and RoodAwakening on here. Their writing was so incredible I felt I had to give this thing a shot, as well. I'd recommend their fics, but if you've read this, I have no doubt you've seen their fantastic work already.
> 
> A more personal, HUGE thank you is due to AO3 users Khoris and Bracco, whose beta reading made this chapter something I'm proud of. Even as Finn built his community, writing this helped me enter a fantastic community, and I hope to see all of you around :)
> 
> -souvenirsofapastlife


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